Ivo's Amazingly Wonderful Blog

Hi all you JW folks

2006-11-30T04:57:00.000-05:00

Some of you may know this and some may not.. I have relocated to Washington State. Yep, it's truly an advenure. The last real update I had on here was that John and I split up. I'm sure some of you were happy to hear that since he was worldly and all. If you were happy to hear that, you'll be even happier to hear that I met a nice JW boy and got married. Hard to believe, I know. but I did. And I am ever so very happy.
He's a year and one month older than me and we met on myspace (which means you will never be able to prove to me the "evils" of myspace since I found my soulmate on it). We're both sci-fi geeks, have the same insane sense of humor, love Jehovah, want a whole tribe of kids, and are pretty well-balanced about life in general.
Oh yea, he's disfellowshipped too. He joined the USMC four years ago (went to Iraq three times) but he's out now and we're back in his home town in WA to get reinstated. His dad is an Elder out here.
it's been quite an adventure so far. but he's got a job, I'm working on one, we found an apartment, and we've got half my pets and half our stuff out here. the rest of the pets are with my parents and my stuff is in storage.
We had a sheparding call already and we make it to most of the meetings. We've been told there's no reason we shouldn't both be reinstated in about six months or so. Hopefully we'll be back to Mass for a visit after that happens so that my old friends can meet my husband.
I guess that's really all I've got for now. Off to write some "deep" and "thoughtful" stuff on livejournal. later! :)

California Trip

2006-06-28T09:19:00.000-04:00

I recently took a business trip to Santa Clara, CA. Here's my write-up of it.
(oh yea, a little clue - Seth is a friend of mine that I met on myspace. He lives out in Cali and was meeting me out there.)

Sunday morning, 4:15 a.m.
I slept over a friend's. If you can call it sleeping. I had a bit too much to drink Saturday night. One of those "hm, I'm pretty sure those bruises are from drunken karate pratice with Joe, but they could just as easily have been self inflicted" sort of nights. Did I mention I was very nervous about flying? So you'll have to excuse the alcoholism. Yes, you will! Okay then...

I meant to wake up at about 4 and be out of there and showered and stuff by 4:20/4:30. I woke up at 4:15, as stated above. I had enough time to take a quick shower and then ran out the door with my bags and got in my car to drive to my coworker's house.

I had directions but of course that means nothing. I got lost of course. So even though I had been running late and was actually going to make it on time, I was then about 15 minutes late thanks to that. By the time I got there our town car was waiting. We loaded up my stuff, gave my keys to the girl's husband, and got on our way. The limo driver had no clue. He took us all over the place to get to the airport and drove super slow while doing it. I was already crazy nervous as it was without dealing with being late.

We got to T.F. Greene and I had just enough time to pop a couple xanax before we got on the flight. We found out when we got there that the one stop we thought we had was actually two stops. Providence to Phoenix (where we would not get off the plane) and then on to LA (where we would switch planes) and on to San Jose. Super. But thank goodness, no turbulance. The flight was uneventful. I texted Seth and Sarah a couple times and then suddenly we were there, in California. And boy, was it beautiful.

It was kind of funny because at first L and I were disappointed. I guess we were expecting the aiport to look different or something. "Same freaks, different coast." We took a shuttle to the rental car place, which was thoroughly confusing. We got our car and drove to the hotel and only got a little lost.

The Mariott was beautiful in the lobby. I wish I had taken pictures but I didn't want to look like a huge tourist. By the time we got there I just wanted to get to my room so badly. Plus my cell battery had died as we got off the plane so I had no idea if Seth was waiting for us at the hotel or what was going on with that.

The three of us went up to our rooms and I started unpacking. Seth called and said he was lost but would be there soon. I was kind of thankful for the moment to collect myself anyway. After traveling on a plane all day, something I hate to do, I wanted to be able to relax for a sec. T came over after settling into her room and chatted with me for a minute and then my room phone rang and it was Seth wanting my room number. So I told T that we would stop by to say hi to her and L later.

I was nervous answering the door obviously but you know, after all the conversations we've had on the phone, it was very comfortable right off the bat. We chatted for a second and then went over to say hi to my two coworkers. We talked with them for a few minutes. they were all freaked out about me meeting him so they were glad to see that thus far he seemed normal. We agreed to meet them down in the bar/lounge for drinks later.

Then he and I finally got to chat in person for a while and it was lovely. We have a lot in common. I forgot how nice it was to talk to someone with the same religious beliefs who's been through the same things I have... Very nice. We joined the other two downstairs and had appetizers and drinks. I was tired anyway and drinking makes me more so. By the time Seth left at . . .10ish I was ready to crash. I had such a great first half day there though thanks to meeting up with him.

for the rest of the week me, T and L and were inseperable and it was kind of cool. I had such a great time with them. On Monday we went to all day training and then T looked up directions to The Cheesecake Factory and a local mall. There was a lone girl in our class from Philly who also works for our company. So we adopted her for the week and she came out to dinner with us that night. She loves cheesecake factory. :) Then we walked around the mall a bit. I bought a San Francisco Giants sweatshirt and softball for Sadie. And we all got some clothes while we were there. I said as long as they had a Hot Topic I'd be happy and they did. Yay.

usually I don't post pics directly on here but there are links to buzznet and such so it's not like you can't see pictures of the girls I work with. Here they are at dinner. Awww.

Then of course drinks in the bar that night... Ah, the waiter knew us well.

Tuesday was another day of training and that night we went out to Pier 39 to do some touristy stuff. We had dinner at the Sea Lion Cafe.
Souveniers are so cheap there. I was shocked. When you shop up in Maine or in the Boston area or something, things are so expensive. It's like, "here, we put 'maine' on it for you. That'll be forty dollars." But in SF you could buy an entire wardrobe. Sheesh. So I managed to get gifts for a few people.

The coworker from Philedelphia had to go home Wednesday morning so we said goodbye to her when we got back from SF. Oh, and can I just say - the streets of San Francisco? HORRIBLE. TERRIFYING. Oh....my....god.... We thought the car was going to tip backwards. Anyway....

Wednesday we met with some licensing people to go over a bit of extra training. We were out after half a day though and then we went sailing with some fellow coworkers who were friends of T's. It was such a great time. I even got to steer for a bit. Very exciting. L and I got to chat up at the front for a bit because I was really dizzy for a little bit.

We were out sailing for quite a while and then we all went out to dinner at The Fish Market. It was pretty good. The chowder was a let down, but the appetizers were very yummy. I got sun burned during the day. Ouch.

I went back to my room and packed for the flight home the next morning. It was supposed to be direct but once again we stopped in Phoenix. Whatever. We got home eventually and I was out like a light in the car on the way to L's house. Then I picked up my car there and drove home.

I stayed up way too late cuz I was still on Cali time and then I went to work the next day where it was weird to say goodbye to my coworkers for the weekend and know I wasn't going to see them at all.

The weekend was fairly uneventful except for my cousin's graduation party from college. So proud of him. Here he is with his sister.

And here's a pic my mom took of me and Kara:

And that was my weekend. Now I'm waiting for the week to be over since I'm picking Seth up at the airport on Saturday morning. yea, kind of an unexpected surprise. I'm psyched. We're going to try to hang out with everyone in Worcester on Saturday night. Should be a good time. so if any of you want to come out to Ralph's Diner and stare from afar (those of you who can't talk to me), feel free. lol.

Well, I think that's plenty for now. Back to my insane cleaning of the apartment. Fun stuff. :)

Meeting Update

2006-06-15T11:40:00.000-04:00

Look for me at Sunday meetings pretty soon. I've got a business trip coming up but after that I'm easing my way back in.

United 93

2006-05-08T22:16:00.000-04:00

First reaction? Wow. Just wow.

I went to see this alone tonight. I didn't think many people would want to go with me and since a couple were busy anyway I thought maybe I could soak it up better by myself.

The eeriness comes from the fact that everything for the first hour or so is so normal. Life just goes on like it would on any other morning. They used actual footage of the second plane hitting the WTC. That was a big moment. And the filmmakers gave you just enough time to tear up a bit before starting up the action again. Literally everyone on screen just stood there not knowing what to do.

The most frustrating part had to be the military trying to get permission to take down the planes. They had to get it from the President who was no where to be found. I'm so glad I watched Fahrenheit 9/11. The result was that a plane hit the Pentagon when it could have been shot down first. Not that either choice was savory.

I don't want to ruin it for anyone so be warned that there is a slight spoiler ahead...

The ending shot is amazing. Just as the passengers break through the cockpit you see what they would have seen as the plane crashed. The screen goes black just as the nose of the plane hit the ground. It was intense to say the least. The whole theater was silent.

Sum up - I'm glad I saw it but wouldn't pay another $9.25 to see it again. And I'm reallly glad I saw it by myself. I've never seen any movie by myself and this was a great one to start with. I got to sit there in silence with my own thoughts. Just what I needed.

Put on a happy face

2006-04-12T11:07:00.000-04:00

"Have you ever been committed?"
"No, but could we try that next?"

I went to Riverside outpatient counseling today. After making a trip to the ER last week for drugs so I could sleep, my doctor told me to make an appointment there. I wasn't even sure what it was walking into it this morning, but I guess it's like this emergency crisis short term center with psychiatrists and therapists and all that good stuff.

I chatted with a woman there for about an hour about all sorts of uncomfortable stuff. lol. I get to see who I will now call "the pill doctor" next thursday and I see Megan (the woman I talked to today) next Friday. Joy.... my life is going to be filled with doctors appointments again. But at least it'll be filled with drugs too. :)

Pixel, Amelie and Gunther are loving life in the country. So am I. Pixel now runs around in the yard without her leash. I still stay out there with her and call her back when she wanders too close to the fence, but she's doing well. she plays with Molly and Kumba out there and it's great. pretty soon she'll be snuggling up with them on their dog bed.

Amelie rules the upstairs now. She walks out on the beams and she has free run of the few bedrooms and bathroom up there. She even has a pretty pink collar in case she does accidentally get out of the house. But both Mom and Dad have assured me that won't happen.

Last night I had a lot of fun. I hung out with my friend Eric from high school. We went to Applebees for dinner and we also went to walmart to get soccer balls. I'd say "don't ask" but that's probably too random. He's going on a class trip with his little brother to Equador of all places so he's bringing stuff like that with him. But anyway, it was fun to hang out again. I missed hanging out with all these people from high school. It's good therapy. :)

Stones in the Road

2006-04-12T11:06:00.000-04:00

Wow, nothing makes you feel 16 again like moving back in with your parents and staying in your old high school bedroom. It's quite an experience. John and I split up so I'm here for the time being. I've got Pixel and Amelie and Gunther with me and I have to pick up the lovebirds this week.

I missed last week of work due to being sick at the beginning and then the move and stuff. I couldn't sleep very well. Let me tell ya though - ambien, xanax, and paxil all together work wonders. That'll knock you right out.

Pixel is already bossing around my parents' dogs Kumba and Molly. she bit Molly's nose yesterday. Brat. And Amelie has decided that the upstairs of the house is hers.

As weird as it is to be back home, I think it will be good in the long run. I'm going to take like a year to regroup. We'll see how much of that time it takes me to get reinstated and such. Who knows. In the meantime, I now have an hour drive to work, $10,000 of debt to take care of somehow, a whole ton of animals to incorporate into a new household, and the cleaning out of an entire household here so that I won't have boxes and boxes of my and my parents' stuff in my new bedroom here. it's going to be chaotic for a while. I"ll let you all know when I'm back in the land of the living. for now, wish me luck that I don't get fired at work tomorrow over all the drama. I really really need that job. Welcome back to hicksville USA.

Life is Funny Sometimes

2006-03-30T16:44:00.000-05:00

I got my hair done today. First time in months and months. Kimmy was so pleased with me that I hadn't totally killed my hair this time and buried it under mounds of box coloring. I was there for three hours. She cut it (it was all dead at the ends) and she also put a lot of blonde highlights into it. Yay, my hair is all stripey now. I totally love it. It's easily the happiest I've been with my hair in a long long time.

Kimmy's an aunt. Her fiancee's sister had her second kid last night. And one of the ladies at the salon was pregnant and left early for an appointment related to that. It's funny how circular life is. I look at people like them and also my friend Dawn and think "I feel really far behind. I can't wait to have kids." Someday someone probably the age I am now will be looking at me and thinking that. Hopefully. Who knows really...

Blast from the past - I was sitting there with my hair over my face cuz Kimmy was foiling it all up. Imagine my surprise when I peeked out between chunks of hair and saw Simon walk in. He's a guy from my old Kingdom Hall and he married the girl who was the maid of honor in my first wedding, Jessica N. He sat at the station behind me for one of the other girls to cut his hair.

I kind of sat in my chair and smirked because, having the benefit of being able to see things from a df'd person's perspective, I would now have no problem smiling at someone and saying hello as I pass them. But most people have no clue as to what to do and just generally avoid your gaze. Kimmy thought it was all very weird. She was like, do you need me to hide you? LOL. She was kidding of course. Anyway, it was just odd. And then when he left I could see him out the window as he walked to his work van and Jess B's husband Matt was waiting for him out there. Jess B is Jess N's step sister so it's kind of cool that their husbands work together I guess.

It was just funny is all. Made me chuckle. Too bad I couldn't have gone to their meeting tonight or something, but I've got my own to go to and also they only have the book study tonight. I already went to mine on Thursday and I'd only see like a 7th of the congregation if I went to Southbridge tonight. Ah well. Maybe when my mom is done with her masters classes in Cambridge I will go out to their Sunday meeting and "visit" such as it is. I can't really talk to anyone so it's not much of a visit. More of a staring visit. haha.

Out Ten Minutes Early

2006-03-29T11:09:00.000-05:00

I went to the bookstudy last night. We finished up chapter 17 of Daniel so now we just have one more chapter left before we move on to the next book. I'm looking forward to that one. I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but it looks good.

The meeting was conducted by Brother G last night. Brother B must have had the night off for some reason. The brother who was reading had just been to Patterson this past weekend so he was all pumped up and high on that. It was kind of funny.

When I was walking in there was a girl who had parked next to me who was kind of trailing behind me a bit. I was going to hold the door for her but she was just far enough behind that it would have been awkward. You know how that is. So I went in and sat down. She walked in a second later and sat with Sister K. She had on jeans and a sweatshirt and sneakers. Clearly a study.

I watched her occasionally during the meeting. At the beginning she was introduced to a few people and given the five second tour of the Kingdom Hall. Obviously she wasn't introduced to me and I couldn't help wondering if she found that odd at all. I was sitting right behind them and she looked to be about my age. Made me kind of sad I was disfellowshipped. I could have made a new friend. lol.

We finished ten minutes early and the brother who was reading was like, "No one can leave for ten minutes." joking around. Of course I had to leave so I felt kind of stupid walking out. But you know what? As I walked out of the back door to the Hall I looked to the side of the building and sitting there was a cute little brown bunny. We stood there looking at each for a second and then I must have made a noise with my foot or something because he took off running across the parking lot. It totally made my night though, that I walked out at just the right time to see the cute bunny. :)

Then I went home and told John all about it and showed him pictures of crosses on our Watchtower magazines (found on page 303 or something) and we talked about that and then we went to bed and read Star Wars. Only two more chapters and we're done with the Thrawn trilogy.

What would we do, baby?

2006-03-22T16:08:00.000-05:00

We were made to love and be loved
But the price this world demands
Would cost us far too much
I spent so many lonely years just trying to fit in
Now I've found my place in this circle of friends

What would you say if you knew this was the last time you would see the ones you love? Would you wish them well? Tell them you hope they take good care of themselves? What if it was your best friend in the entire world and you knew you could never speak with them again? Would you do it? For the sake of your family, for the sake of your sanity, for the sake of your God?

In a circle of friends
We have one Father
In a circle of friends
We share this prayer
That ever orphaned soul will know
And all will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends

Were you a stranger to yourself your whole life? Were you the shy, quiet kid who hung out with many and was remembered by few? Making friends is hard, keeping them is harder. And as we get older, it just becomes more difficult.

If you weep, I will weep with you
If you sing for joy the rest of us
Will lift our voices too
But no matter what you feel inside there's no need to pretend
That's the way it is in this circle of friends

Some people come into our lives and quietly go. Others leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same. You are that to me. My circle of friends. The footprints sting sometimes, but mostly they are a gentle reminder. My heart beats and says "What are you missing now? Right this second." And I answer to myself, "You. All of you."

In a circle of friends
We have one Father
In a circle of friends
We share this prayer
That we'll gather together no matter how the highway bends
I will not lose this circle of friends

"Faith is the assured expectation of things hoped for. The evident demonstration of realities though not beheld." --Hebrews

I have faith. Do you? How strong is yours? Is there anything that would shake it? Think hard.

We are no longer friends, and yet I know we are always in each other's thoughts or just behind our eyelids when we sleep...

"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before we can meet again; and meeting again, after a moment or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends."
--Richard Bach

OD Theme - Dream House

2006-03-15T14:30:00.000-05:00

If you could build your dream house, what would it be like?

First of all, it would have to have a wrap-around porch. I have always wanted one of those. Set up some rocking chairs and a porch swing and drink lemonade out there in the summer. If it was screened in, maybe even sleep out there sometimes for fun. Plus, in nice weather the birds could go out there.

It would need at least three bedrooms and also a bird room. An office would be essential for getting work done when I'm on-call or maybe even working from home someday. I didn't put it in the visual aides (of course there are pictures!), but I'd love a library. Some place with big comfy chairs and bookshelves everywhere.

Here is my (not very good) rendering of the layout of my house. Notice the lack of a dining room. That's cuz we dine in the living room! Sorry, Mom. LOL.

Wedding Bells

2006-03-15T13:22:00.000-05:00

We met with the wedding coordinator last week from the restaurant we're getting married at. We're going to have the ceremony and reception there and just hire a JP or something to marry us. Makes it simple.

The meeting went well. We went over pricing and stuff. When she sent us the prices via email we weren't that pleased. It was about $1500 more than we thought it would be. I called her up to straighten it out. Turns out she'd added some extra appetizers for us to look at and also had estimated the guest list at 120, which is will not be. It might be if I weren't disfellowshipped, but just about all my friends from before were JWs so none of them will be there.

John's family is quite large and they're all going since he's the first grandchild and all that. We're inviting my family too, which I hadn't planned on. I didn't think they'd want to go. But all the aunts said they'd like to be there so we're going to invite my aunts, uncles, and first cousins. :)

We actually made it to the meeting that Thursday straight from our appointment. I was awfully proud of us. This past Sunday and Tuesday I was sick so that sucked.

Our wedding is a little over 7 months from now and it seems like forever away. Maybe they'll reinstate me early for good behavior. Yea, right.

The Reference Entry

2006-03-14T16:12:00.000-05:00

I decided this blog needed some kind of quick sum up of my life and the people in it. A fun way to do that (and keep me from going crazy bored at work) is to make this entry and then I’ll put a link to it on the sidebar.

Last update - April 19, 2006

Basic facts --
Name: Jessie
Birthday: July 13, 1982
Parents: K&B
Siblings: None. But I count the six Chipman kids.
Pets: currently-a bunch of birds, one cat, one dog. The birds are as follows. Gunther is a quaker parakeet, Gimli is a single orange face lovebird, and Justarius (one of Quicksilver and Goldmoon's babies. I don't have them anymore; gave them to a new home where they could get more attention). Justarius had an accident with his foot and it has to be removed so we're keeping him. Two other adult lovebirds, one male (We named him TK-421) and one female (Peachy Keen). These are my next breeding pair. The cat is named Amelie. She’s a mix but she looks just like a Russian Blue or a Nebelung. The dog is a papapoo (that’s a papillon mixed with a miniature poodle) named Pixel.
Marital status: divorced and then engaged and now on my own again
Kids: none
Religion: Jehovah’s Witness, but I’m currently disfellowshipped and working towards reinstatement.
Tattoos/piercings: six in each ear and I have four tats so far. Pictures in my photoblog.
Favorite color: purple
Favorite number: 27

Other facts: I’m a huge sci-fi geek. I think Star Trek the Next Generation was one of the best television shows – ever. I’m a member of the 501^st Legion. I love reading. I want to be a writer and some day own a book shop. I also breed lovebirds and would like to turn that into a more full time type job eventually. I consider the huge turning points in my life to be September 1996, around xmas 1997, September 7^th, the week of new years’s 2000, June 2000, June 1^st 2002, August 16 2004, and of course June 26 1999.

__________________________________________

People –

Sarah: Best Friend
Paul: Sarah’s boyfriend and my friend from high school
Sadie: their daughter
John: ex fiancee
Ray: ex husband
Bantu, Felicity, Knuckles, Piper and Atreides: former pets of mine that stayed with Ray. (An African Grey, cat, ferret, ferret, and goldies lorikeet respectively.)
Jess Foote: good friend from high school
Eric/Moir: same
Chante: friend I met while on open diary. Haven’t met her yet, but she’s a really good friend.
Diane: she’s the same as Chante. She has a blog on blogger as well.
Kari: friend from childhood. Lives in Texas now. in the navy. She’s a pilot.
Kirsty: friend I met through work. Bridesmaid in my wedding. We have lots in common.
Craig and Dawn: friends from before I was disfellowshipped. They got married the week after Ray and I did. I hope to be friends with Dawn again someday.
Chip: a really good friend from Michigan even though I’ve only talked to him in person three times. We "sort of" dated....Hard to describe really.
Jacob and Brynn: I hate to even mention them on here, but sometimes they come up.
Jacob – ex boyfriend, broke my heart, was horrible to me.
Brynn – ex best friend. Now married to Jacob. Both are still Jehovah’s Witnesses in good standing.
Ericka: she goes along with the other two above, in a way. She is three years older than me and was like a sister to me. Kind of the leader of our little group of JWs. She doesn’t even go to meetings anymore I don’t think. And recently I found out some things about her that I wish I hadn’t having to do with my ex.
Sherri: the only person I would ever consider an enemy of mine. She pretty much forced Ray, my mom, and I to switch Kingdom Halls because her little antics at the old congregation were going unchecked by the Elders. She was really bad news and if I “happened” to meet her in a dark alley somewhere I wouldn’t be sad if there were an “accident” of some sort.

___________________________________________
I suppose knowing about those turning points would be helpful too. I just get sick of wondering if I’ve mentioned something before and I hate to have to explain it again and again just for the purpose of writing a few sentences in an entry. So let’s be thorough then shall we? I had a journal on open diary. It was hacked into and two months of entries were lost last year. If it hadn’t been at such an important point I wouldn’t have cared so much. But I switched over to blogger after that happened and I thought maybe some of those OD entries would be helpful. So I’ll link them with the events they pertain to. I promise, most are short.

Random

11/25/03, f irst 501^st event -

September 1996 was when I started high school at Bay Path. This was a huge deal because it was such a change for me. I had gone to a small town school for grade school and then for seventh and eighth grade I went to a private school. So being thrust into a school with 1000+ kids and all sorts of cultures and backgrounds was really odd. I went to school my first day, school started back on a Wednesday, and I missed Thursday and Friday due to panic attacks. I hate new things. Anything new. The seasons change and I get a little nutty. But this was also the first time I was in a school where there were more than five Jehovah’s Witnesses so that was kind of cool. It was a huge turning point because of all the new experiences, new friends, and I really started to become a lot less shy.

The “around xmas” one is when I met Jacob. We dated for about a year and he totally broke my heart and was emotionally abusive. I truly feel that if we had stayed together he would have done a lot more damage to me than he did, maybe even physically. But that’s Jacob and he continued to mess with my head right up until the day he couldn’t talk to me anymore due to me being DF’d. Why did I let him, you might ask? He was unavoidable. Trust me.

September 7^th – the day I saw Ray at the Spencer Faire. I met him before that. In fact he dated my best friend Sarah and then he dated Ericka. He was there to hit on Ericka again and I was there with a friend from high school hoping for a glimpse of Jacob. Ironic, isn’t it?

One of my favorite memories ever is of the week I spent in Michigan between Christmas of 1999 and New Year’s 2000. I stayed with my friend Casey and his parents. I went because Sarah and I had been planning on going together but when she got DFd I needed to get away from things for a while so Casey asked me to come stay with him. I will always remember that as such a peaceful time in my life, for the most part. Ray and I were taking “a break” from dating so I was pretty much on my own. I’d never been that far away from home before without my parents, but I think I probably emailed them and called them maybe three times the entire week. I spent some time with Casey’s best friend Chip out there too. He and I knew each other from them visiting Mass a year before and we’d spent quite a bit of time together then too. I really think that if Chip had wanted children Ray would have had some serious competition. But looking back I’m glad it didn’t turn out that way. I don’t think Chip and I would have been entirely happy together. Anyway, he’s married now to this really nice girl. And a few of the other guys I met out there are married too. They’re all lovely people and so welcoming and nice. I would go back there for a visit, but it would never be the same.

June 2000 was my graduation from high school. I just wrote about that in my “ten years ago” entry. The one that’s entitled “tag, you’re it”. it was a big point in my life becase Ray and I were still up in the air and hwo knew what could happen. The world was full of possibility. And parties. It was definitely full of parties that summer. : )

June 1, 2002 – my wedding day. I don’t think I need to state why this was an important date.

Fanzillacon

Memories. . . .

August 16, 2004 was the day I moved out of Ray’s apartment and in with John’s family. That was a pretty traumatic time but I mostly remember feeling very loved by John and his parents and getting a great deal of support (from most people) from our friends in the NEG. I don’t know what I would have done without them and Sarah.

To go back in time a bit, June 26, 1999 was my baptism date. That’s a pretty important thing especially when you’re a disfellowshipped one. I’ll never forget that date. It’s written in the front of my bible. It was a horrible day actually. Everything that could go wrong, did. But in the end I was baptized and I’d made my open dedication to be one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and that’s all that matters.

December 9, 2005 - the day I officially got engaged. We'd been planning the wedding for a few months (because it takes a long time to plan a wedding) and he asked me in the sweetest way. So there it is.

That’s it for now. If I think of more important matters I’ll add them in here. Now to put a link on the sidebar. . .

Building Kingom Halls

2006-03-10T10:38:00.000-05:00

We have the Circuit Overseer this week. We had a sub on Tuesday because Brother White was having surgery. Brother Giddy was really cool. I'm sad he's not here the whole week. But Brother White was nice enough last night. We did the book study in 45 minutes and then he got up to give his part.

He gave some history of kingdom halls, how they weren't called that until 1935 and that they were so named because "the kingdom" would always be at the forfront of our minds.

Then we got to watch a video about building Halls where the need is greater. It was so cool to see brothers and sisters in places like Zambia and Ecquador building halls where there used to be huts. John went with me because we went there straight from an appointment and I think he liked it too. It was pretty nifty.

I'm looking forward to Sunday's meeting.

Johari Window

2006-03-07T13:26:00.000-05:00

Go here and pick five or six words that you feel best describe me.

You can make one for yourself too.
The "arena" is words that both you and others chose. The "blind spot" is words that only others chose and you did not. The "facade" is words you chose for yourself but no one else did. And the "unknown" has words not yet chosen by anyone.

Find out more about yourself and me. :)

Go here for negative aspects. It's called a nohari window. This one is harder because you have to be aware of your weaknesses. It works the same way as the one above.

Things I miss

2006-03-06T10:03:00.000-05:00

1. Having lunch at Soup to Nuts with Dawn.
2. Seeing Jess N.'s smiling face at meetings.
3. Chatting with Rob online about....everything.
4. Being all happy when Chip was actually online so I could say hi. LOL.
5. Friday nights at Ledoux's house. 'nuff said.
6. Chatting with George and Aimee after the meetings.
7. Brother Chickering's great talks.
8. Caroline (who looks just like Padme') giggling with me at book studies.
9. Getting to see Jess B. from time to time and chatting with her and Leanne and Maria.
10. Brother Rose's book studies. Nothin' beats 'em. (Is that a giraffe??)
11. Cringing as my mother makes the tenth giraffe comment of the night.
12. Bugging my dad to go to meetings. (Maybe when I get reinstated...)
13. Seeing old friends at conventions and assemblies and actually being able to talk to them.
14. Talking Star Wars with Craig.
15. There is no description for Jake...
16. Belonging

Sucker

2006-03-05T17:01:00.000-05:00

"No, really, the meeting is at 7:30 on Thursdays..."

Suuuuure it is.....

We had a bit of snow on Thursday but did I let that stop me? Nope. I came home from work, stayed in my highly uncomfortable dress for a couple hours, had dinner, even read some Star Wars to John. Then I valiantly put on my coat and headed out the door with my meeting bag in tow.

I pulled into the parking lot and to my surprise found only one car there. I was only three minutes early so the odds of 90 other people showing up in those three minutes were not looking good. I sat there for about two of the three minutes and then headed home.

I could have been cozy in bed, people!

I asked Brother B about it at the meeting today and he apologized for not calling. To his credit, I had just started going back to he can't be expected to count me as part of his group yet. He said next time he'd call though.

See? I'm going. Calm down, people. ;)

Not Working

2006-03-01T11:14:00.000-05:00

I don't even feel like the Paxil is working at all. I'm as stressed as ever. Last night I woke up at midnight for no reason with my heart racing. This morning I didn't want to get out of bed cuz I felt sick. I did get out of bed and got ready for work in 10 minutes (shower and everything) and still made it here five minutes early.

Last night was the book study. The Daniel book is so confusing! Between the King of the North and the King of the South and then tieing that into world war II, I was a tad bit lost.

Every time Brother G. asked if someone could read a scripture I had to keep my hand from shooting up in the air. I want to be able to answer again and read scriptures. This DFing thing sucks.

Wedding plans are tugging along. Money saving is too, I suppose, though it doesn't feel that way.

This weekend I'll be trying some new tactics to stop Gunther from plucking out all his feathers. Wish me luck.

Gettin' Dizzy

2006-02-27T14:10:00.000-05:00

Saturday was a busy day. I picked Kirsty up at her house at about 9:45 a.m. We drove out to Feathers because I had to get that food for Gunther. $36 for one bag of food!! Ergh. I bought a couple snacks that I know they all like and I also needed a perch for Button's cage and a foraging wheel for Gunther. It came to $90. That hurt since I only had $110 more on me for the entire day of errands.

As always, I had a blast at Feathers. I asked the owner, Eric, if Kirsty and I could play with one of the two baby lovebirds they had in the bird room. He said, "You don't have to ask. You can play with both birds. Just go back there and take them out." I love that I've been going there so long that they just don't care anymore. So Kirsty and I went back there and I took the two babies out. They were so sweet. They're from the same woman who raised Button. She devotes her whole life to them so they come out being just the sweetest little things. One was a beautiful pied that I wanted to take home so badly.

We left there and went over to Chrisanne's all the way out in Auburn. Kirsty got to try on the bridesmaid dress (which she really seemed to like, whew) and I ordered my veil. It was the first veil I had tried on with a dress simliar to the one I bought. I had fallen in love with it but it was too expensive. My mom offered to pay for it though since it complimented the dress so well. It's all sparkly on the edges. I just love it. I can't wait until it comes in.

Then it was over to Soup to Nuts at the Sturbridge Millyard. We drove past Dawn and Craig's office and I missed them. I love going to that restaurant. The food is just so totally yummy. I wish I lived closer to it. It's an hour drive out there.

We went to Petsmart to get lovie food and then we hit AC Moore to try and figure out what the heck we're going to do for wedding centerpieces. She came back to our house after and hung out with me and John and the birds for a while. Then we drove her home and John got a tour of her condo to which he said the he'd trade with her. Meaning she'd come live with me and the pets and he'd have the quiet one all to himself. I don't think so buddy. ;) So Kirsty and I had a blast. And we got soooo much done!

Saturday night was bad. It was my first day taking a full pill of Paxil and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I woke up at midnight feeling wicked nauseous. When I looked at anything with light in it, like the clocks or the little light beside the bed, I saw trails. I held my hand up in front of my face and saw that making trails too. Ugh, it was awful. I tried to read some Calvin and Hobbes until about 12:30 then I gave up and stayed on the couch until five a.m. watching Scream2 and such things. I went to bed until 8:30 and then got up and got ready for the meeting.

Yep, I'm back. And I didn't even let a night of bad drug reactions stop me. :) I was glad I didn't miss it. The talk was very good - how to serve God - and the speaker was funny. He used to be Catholic and he had all these great experiences. The watchtower was nice too. I couldn't follow along since I'm behind on my magazines. The brother who handles the literature counter came up to me during the closing song and said he had some magazines for me. Nice of him since he hadn't seen me in four months. But he went up during the song and got them for me so that I wouldn't have to stick around. I was dreading having to do that. I should just put a big red "D" on my chest...

So the meeting was good and then I came home from that and read Star Wars for like two hours. I got some new books from Sarah so I started in on that series. Yay, new Star Wars books! :)

I took Gunther out for like three hours with me. Tonks was out for a bit too. She's a biter. Pixel tried taking some bread away from Gunther and he jumped on her head cuz he was ticked. It was so funny, but I had to grab him before she freaked out.

Last night was better. No bad reactions. I guess my body is getting used to the drug. Good stuff. I just want to finally feel it working in a good way.

No working out tonight. Kirsty's brother is coming for a visit. But Wednesday I will. And tomorrow night is the long meeting. Or is it book study? Shoot, I'll have to go check.

Encouragement

2006-02-24T14:17:00.000-05:00

Last night after work I drove home in my new car (!!) and as I was coming up our walkway to our condo John called my cell to tell me his parents were a couple exits away and wanted to take us to Cracker Barrell for dinner. I thought that sounded like fun even though I was on-call and knew I'd worry about the phone the whole time.

But CB is only a couple exits away so I agreed to go. I had about ten minutes to get out of my work clothes and at least set up my computer so it would be ready for me to work on when I got home. I ran around like a mad woman and managed to do that. Then, as if on cue, my on-call phone rings. I panicked of course. It turned out to be a fairly easy one, though and I did that within a couple minutes. I ran into the bathroom to brush my teeth and as I was doing that, my regular cell phone rang.

I picked it up and said hello and the man on the other side asked for Jessie. I said "speaking" and he said, "Hi, this is so-and-so" and to my silence added, "from the kingdom hall".

It was one of the Elders from my new hall calling to check up on me since I missed so much time due to surgery. Granted, I had sent them a letter saying why I had been gone for a couple months and such. But hey, Elders are busy, and even if he called after a reminder, he still called. We talked for a couple minutes and I firmly resolved to trek out to the Kingdom Hall on Sunday morning and then it was time to run downstairs to meet John's parents for dinner. We had a lovely time and I was high off of my phone call for the rest of the night.

Bad Bird!

2006-02-22T16:18:00.000-05:00

I thought I would share a partial list of some things our birds do (we have a quaker parakeet, mustache parakeet, and four lovebirds). I got these off another site and there were a ton of them, but I just took the ones that apply to mine. Some of these make me laugh out loud thinking of them. Now read these and picture yourself at our zoo of a house.

· Even if it is fun, it's not nice to whistle for the dog and laugh at him when he comes (repeatedly).

· Humans who wear glasses need them. I will not insist on attempting to remove every pair I see.

· I shall cease doing my loudest scream in my humans ear right after I have snuggled up on her neck making kissing sounds and whispering I love you's into her ear. I also will not laugh my evilest laugh when she winces in pain and sits there with a dazed look on her face until she can hear again. (My Quaker Parrot's favorite way to push my buttons.)

· I should not hide quietly behind a stereo speaker when everyone is calling my name and looking for me. That is wicked.

· I will be consistent in my behavior. I will not step up one time and bite the next -- at least without SOME visible cue as to what I have planned. (But it sure is funny to keep her wondering!)

· I will not bob my head and laugh when misfortune befalls my humans and they trip or drop things, nor will I fly over and circle above their heads and shriek wildly to add to the melee.

· I will not climb in my human's hair when I have to go back in my cage.

· I will not climb on top of my cage whenever the opportunity arises and dare my human to get me down.

· I will not drop my treats through the mesh in the cage bottom and then beg for another one (20 times in a row!)

· I will not give my human kisses one second and next second give her the beak of death.

· I will not hang myself in my play ring to horrify unsuspecting guests then laugh and get out of the ring myself when they run over to help.

· I will not ignore my new expensive play toys.

· I will not indicate that I am finished with my snack by flinging my dish as far as possible.

· I will not interrupt the humans when they are imitating nature by making my female human's noises, which cause's them to laugh and get out of the mood. (this is why NEVER any birds in the bedroom rule applies)

· I will not land on people's shoulders unexpectedly and scare the !$#!& out of them. (that one’s for you, Kirsty)

· I will not play King Kong by hanging on the side of the budgies' cage. I am a macaw, not a gorilla. (okay, in my situation it’s quaker and lovebirds, but still)

· I will not put my head down to be scratched then whirl around and bite.

· I will not tell the nice policeman to "BITE ME" when my human is stopped for speeding. (Fortunately he had a sense of humour!) [mine’s never done this, but god that’s great]

· I will not want to go to sleep at 1:30 in the morning and wake up at 5:00 in the morning

· I will not fly like I'm fully flighted just after a wing clip.

· I will not add perforations to the cover of every paperback book I meet. My humans don't want to tear the covers off.

· I will not get mad at the cats for being "free" and then go into my humans' bedroom to chew her brand new cat lamp screaming "Bad Kitty" the whole time. (this one’s just funny)

· I will not make my human look stupid when she tells her friends I can talk.

· I will not yank earrings off people's ears.

· The R2D2 figure belongs on top of my human's computer monitor. (so true!)

· I will not deliberately egg on the guinea pigs in a competitive shrieking match. (our quaker parakeet does this with the dog and the lovebirds. He also imitates the lovebirds’ call)

· I will not freak out, drop to the bottom of my cage and scream every time someone walks by with a foreign object such as a trashcan or grocery sack.

· I will not scream as soon as the sun comes up on my human's day off.

· I will not scream at precisely eight PM every night for the human to turn the lights off.

· It is not my job to yell "Bad cat, get down!" whenever my feline brother jumps on the TV. (Gunther just yells “get down” at the dog)

· Screaming for no reason is annoying .

· I may be just a lovebird, but I will remember that I am not big enough to land on the cat and then preen his hair and bite him. The cat knows he is not allowed to touch me and therefore sulks after the experience because he can not eat me.

· I will remember the cat's tail is not a chew toy. (my African grey that Ray kept, once got a good hold of our cat’s tail. Yipes!)

New Car

2006-02-21T14:06:00.000-05:00

I bought a Hyundai Santa Fe back in 'o4 and even though I loved the thing, it was just starting to fall apart. Parts for it are over the top expensive and it does horribly on gas even though it's a pretty small SUV.

John and I were thinking maybe I should get a Toyota Corolla. We'd heard they never die and that they're awesome on gas mileage. I wasn't crazy about it because it seems like everyone has a corolla. So I started looking at other Toyota's that would be reliable and in our price range. I found the Matrix, which is actually built on a corolla frame, but looks sportier.

We went to Ira Toyota on Sunday with John's parents for back up. We'd gone to Ira a few months back and they were really difficult to deal with so we figured we needed the extra help. This time we got the new guy (he'd only been there 2 days) so that was great. He was nicer than the other person had been and we ended up getting a reasonably good deal on my 2005 Matrix. It's more than I wanted to pay a month, but Valerie said that's actually a really good payment.

I LOVE this car!! The only thing that sucks is how low to the ground I am. If I could be up high in a pick up truck everyday I would be. But that's not very practical. Oh, and the '06 model that I test drove had a moonroof and mine doesn't, but we would have had to pay an extra $2000 so that wasn't very practical.

We drove to my parents' house yesterday and hung out with my mom and had a lovely time (my dad even stopped by on lunch to say hi and see the new car) and everyone was checking out my car on the mass pike. So cool. It's this really cool metallic blue color and I just love it.

I didn't name my Santa Fe, but the Matrix just might be cool enough to deserve a name. ;)
[r.i.p. sante fe.... :( ]

oh, and the sante fe had all my 501st stickers on it. I couldn't get them off. :(

Say Goodbye to Crazy

2006-02-17T09:56:00.000-05:00

Paxil. 10mgs once daily.

I have finally given in and joined the ranks of the medicated. After struggling with panic attacks and depression for the past 18 years and trying everything available (herbal remedies, balancing, therapy, calming techniques) I have decided it's time to take that next step.

Let the healing begin. . .

Baby Lovebirds!

2006-02-16T13:17:00.000-05:00

TK421 and Peachy Keen had two babies. They are almost old enough to go to their new home. I thought I would share a picture of them because they are just about the most beautiful birds I've ever seen.

Customer Support Hints

2006-02-15T09:12:00.000-05:00

Brian wrote a post that made me think. I work at a rather large worldwide company. In that company my job is to generate and distribute software license keys to those who are entitled to them. This means checking sales orders, knowing what the person needs, and finding the right combination of key for them. It is a complicated job, I am not ashamed to admit. The kicker is there are three of us on the global licensing team. Do you know why "global" is in there? That's right. Because it's.....global. So - 3 people + thousands of customers + being underpaid and overworked = stressful job.

Here are some things to think about next time you call tech support, customer support, or any kind of call center.

1. I do not want to keep things from you. I am not sitting at my computer thinking "How can I ruin this person's day?" If I could give you your license key, I would. Trust me. You getting your key means you will LEAVE ME ALONE.

2. Don't lie to me. When you call up and say, "My call back time was two hours and no one's called me." AND you are dumb enough to give me your case number, don't think that I'm not staring right at it knowing that you only opened your case a half hour ago. Lying will only anger us and make us put you on hold for ten minutes.

3. When you email us and get an automatic bounceback message that says we work from 8 to 5 EST and you can call after hours with EMERGENCIES, what does that mean to you?? Does it mean that I am sitting at my desk at work just waiting for an emergency to come through? Um, no. Emergencies mean that there is an on-call person who is at home sleeping. Do not wake me up to "just run this by" me. I value my sleep.

4. Being sarcastic will get you no where.

5. We also do not appreciate comments such as "This has been as helpful as poking sharp sticks in my eyes."

6. If you knew for two weeks that you would need a key from us and you didn't email us until today, why is that our fault? That bounceback message (see #3) states our response time is 24 hours. 24 hours....24 hours....Mull that over for a bit. Does 24 hours equal 20 minutes in your demented little world? Well, it doesn't in mine so plan ahead!

7. Sales orders = revenue. When you are a customer I can grant you some leeway with not wanting to fuss over sales orders. When you are a fellow employee who "just needs to get this done for the customer" and you are telling me to "skip the paperwork" that makes me want to track down your manager and tell them how eager you are for the company to lose money. Sales orders are not "just paperwork". They are what our salaries come from.

8. If you must wake me up with an emergency call, be pleasant. It will go such a long way.

9. Don't yell at me when I tell you something isn't physically possible. While I'm very sorry that you purchased the wrong licenses, that does not mean I can physically beat those codes into your hardware to make the key work. Ever heard the expression "square peg, round hole"? That is what you are trying to make me do.

10. Last but not least; what does "email ONLY group" mean to you?? Apparently it means that you call us ten times a day and use the on call number to bug us at 3 a.m. for a question about nothing. Apparently that means that when I ask you to email me your info (keep in mind, so that YOU can get your key FASTER) you feel you have the right to yell at me about it.

Be kind to your customer service/tech people. They're holding on to one small part of your lives and we can really make it go either way.

He ruined the punch line of many a good joke

2006-02-06T22:01:00.000-05:00

My uncle passed away Saturday morning. He was only 60, had been sick for a while. He's my mom's sister's husband. My aunt Sue. She's my favorite aunt, truth be told. I love them all, but I remember spending days in Maine with her while my parents had a day on the beach or a night out to dinner and it was always a lot of fun.

John took me to the calling hours tonight. I said hi to my aunt and my cousins (he had three daughters) and my parents were there. Dad and I chatted football for the first time in my life (I actually watched and enjoyed the superbowl last night) and my mom told John if he could get me do that he must be amazing. My Aunt Mary was here; we don't see her often. My Aunt Yvette, my Gramps' girlfriend of 25 years or so (!!!), showed up towards the end and I couldn't talk to her before she got into the line so I'll catch her tomorrow I hope. My Mom's favorite uncle - uncle Bill - showed up. 91(or so) and still swimming every day with the 16 year old life guards down at the Jewish community center. My family rocks.

The funeral is tomorrow. I don't do well at funerals. Calling hours are one thing. Yes, it's sad (and disturbing) to see the body out and all that. But the funeral is when they invoke all the Catholic stuff and memories and such and the combination makes me cry every time. It's like they're trying to get you to cry.

They had the wake tonight at the same funeral home my Gramps' was held at. Surreal.

The obituary was one of the best I've read. It was really nice of them to say how he was close to us (his nieces and nephews) and to mention us in it. Not by name, but there's a lot of us and let's face it; they didn't have to mention us at all.

I also thought it was great that they listed Worcester, MA and Moody Beach, ME as his residence. The whole family has spent summers in Wells, ME since before I was born. My Gramps built two cottages up there side by side and then my aunt and uncle also built a house down the street so they lived there part time. It's my safe place, Maine.

(I've left out the important stuff just cuz anyone who needs to know all of it would by now anyway.)

WORCESTER & MOODY BEACH, ME-Robert V. E., 60, of Worcester died Saturday, February 4, 2006. He leaves his wife of 36 years, Susan E.; three daughters, Erin, wife of Michael, Meghan, wife of John and Shannon, wife of James; three grandchildren Madison and Alex and Sean; a sister, Susan, several nephews and nieces. He was extremely close with his brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law and nephews and nieces.

He was born in Providence, RI, son of (info left out), graduated from St. John’s High School and University of Massachusetts. was a self-employed Certified Public Accountant for many years. He was a member of the Massachusetts Society of Certified Public Accountants and the Worcester Lodge of Elks. He enjoyed his summers in Moody Beach, Maine as well as spending time with his grandchildren and he ruined the punch line of many a good joke.

(funeral info left out) Please omit flowers and make contributions to Abby’s House, 52 High Street, Worcester, MA 01609 or Worcester County Food Bank, 474 Boston Turnpike, Shrewsbury, MA 01545.

Bye Uncle Bob. I really need to not watch depressing movies like I am right now. Time to turn off the TV and go to bed...

A Trip Down Memory Lane in Pictures

2006-01-09T16:30:00.000-05:00

I had to drive out to my parents' house this weekend to pick up my wedding dress. I really miss living in the country sometimes. A town so.... not small, because it's actually quite a large "small town", but small-town-minded that when giving a townie directions you can say things like "the four corners", "the orchard", and so on.

Here are my bad-quality camera phone pictures.

This is my favorite old house out there. It's so beautiful with the turret at the top and whatnot. Too bad they never fix it up. I think that if you don't own a house and someone is treating theirs like crap, then you should be able to take it from them. :)

CD Driving School. My tiny little driver's ed building. To the right of it and across the street is an actual store called "The General Store".

Ken's Citgo. It's open until 7 p.m. Woo hoo. What a party town, eh?

The road home.
I love how the trees frame it. I used to walk down this street every day from the bus stop. Kimmy and I would sing Grease songs and we'd all get some exercise in.

The Holiday House. So named because at Easter, Christmas, Halloween, all that, it becomes a total eye sore with all the decorations put on it.

And the destination. Here's my parents' old brick house. My great granddad built it and my dad and friends added on the second story when I was just two years old. I love this house. 22 years and it's still not finished. It doesn't need to be, though. It's got character.

Argh

2005-11-29T16:37:00.000-05:00

So many frustrations lately.

I have decided to rehome my breeding pair of lovies - Quicksilver and Goldmoon. We have six screaming lovebirds in one room and it is just too much unless we sound proof the room, which we are not going to do at this time. We don't have the time or money for any of this.

I am sad to see them go. After Ray and I got rid of our cat Bella (I still cry about her) I swore I would never get rid of a pet again. But John pointed out that I don't think of Silver and Gold as pets. They are not attached to me and are not lovey with me at all. If they were in a new home they would be just as happy as they are in this one. I love the rest of my pets and I could never part with any of them so that's how I know these are the two that should go - because I can picture rehoming them.

A guy from my work is going to take them. He sounds nice. I just hope he doesn't turn out to be a scumbag.

I'm stressed lately. I'm not even entirely sure why. I haven't been to meetings in a while cuz of my stupid back and now I'm terrified to go back to them because walking in to that hall is just so amazingly awkward.

I hate the whole disfellowshipping process and I am hugely frustrated and discouraged right now. Argh. I just want my life to be normal. I know this is what I chose when I chose John, but does everything have to come down on me at once?

I'm sick of my job already. I'll never quit. It's great job security and good money, but it's about the most stressful thing I've ever done. People's entire systems depend on me to give them their software keys. How stressful is that? Pretty dang stressful.

::sigh:: I'm going to go home and John is going to make me some breakfast for dinner and then we'll probably watch some Star Trek on DVD. Tomorrow I have to clean all the bird cages and switch Silver and Gold into the big cage cuz I'm going to be nice and send them to their new home with that one. We don't really need it anymore. It's so huge because it has a removable divider to keep breeding pairs seperated. Now none of our birds need to be seperated so I'll just leave the divider out and put the pair in there to give to the guy from my work. I'm sure Quicksilver and Goldmoon will like being in a nice big comfy cage when they move. I hope. . . .

I am so sad to let them go. Thank goodness for therapy tomorrow.

Wedding Update Stuff

2005-11-21T10:09:00.000-05:00

Ergh. John's best man and one of my bridesmaids dropped out of the wedding. Well, we kind of asked them to after some conversations we had with them - rather negative conversations. I have enough negativity in my life coming from me. I don't need it coming from other people. They claim they don't know us well enough to be in the wedding, but they do know us well enough to make judgement calls on our lives? Um, no.

So that's that.

John asked his friend Paul to be best man and because we wanted (well, John wanted) the wedding party to have even sides, he asked his friend Sarah to be one of my bridesmaids. He's known her since high school and she's a huge Star Wars fan and she sounds really nice so that should be cool.

Some updates:
1. Job - going well. I'll be on-call for my first full week starting December 4th or 5th. Can't remember which. License Keys is a difficult field to be in. There are only three of us covering all of EMC. I mean all of EMC world-wide. Yea. . . crazy huh? But I think I'm slowly getting it and I can handle a lot more of the cases by myself now.

2. Wedding stuff - everything is proceeding as I have forseen it. mwuh ha ha. Going this Saturday to put a down payment on my dress and also my bridesmaids are going with me to at least look at theirs and maybe put a downpayment on them as well.

3. Reinstatement - well, nothing on this 'til after I get married, but I'm going back to meetings soon. I missed this past month because of my back surgery. It's SO HARD to go back because I'm not really offered the chance to just walk up to someone and tell them why I missed so many meetings. But I know I have to go back, and I want to, I'm just nervous.

4. Pet Stuff - I have six lovebirds, one quaker parrot, one dog and one cat. It's a nut house. Button and Justarius are still by themselves. Maybe someday I'll pair them up, but not now. But I took the divider out of Peachy Keen and TK's cage. mostly because Peachy somehow managed to push it aside herself and go over to TK's side of the cage. . . lol. So I'm hoping by next spring or summer that they will be breeding for the first time and also that Goldmoon and Quicksilver will be breeding again. But I want to stagger it because there is always the chance that I'd have to handfeed and it's way better to try it with four or five babies rather than ten.

5. House stuff - still living in the condo, but my dad is supposed to help us fix up our kitchen a bit. Then we will fix up the bathroom a little, paint the spare room. . . If we move into this duplex-type idea with John and Val (John's parents) then we will put most of our stuff in storage and replace the carpeting and stay in one of their spare rooms while we build the addition and sell our condo. The place would be nice if it weren't for the idiotic neighbors.

6. . . . . I think that's it. Good night and good luck.

Wedding Dresses and Drama

2005-11-07T11:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had an appointment at 3:00 in Auburn to look at dresses. John drove out with me and sat in the car because we were going to my parents' for dinner afterwards. One of my bridesmaids met me there so that she could help me with decisions.

Last time I went there I tried on a number of dresses and of those picked three that I really liked. So this time around I tried on one more that the girl thought I would like (I did, but it was just "too much dress") and tried on two of the three that I loved. I ruled out the third and didn't bother trying it on because it was a halter top and I wasn't crazy about that.

Long story short, I think I found my dress. Everything I tried on after this one in particular just wasn't quite as good as the first one and to me that pretty much signifies that I found it. In fact, I finished up so quickly that we still had a half hour to try on bridesmaid dresses. She found one that she absolutely loved that was a-line with a criss-crossed waist. So while she was trying that on I asked if they had anything else with a wrapped waist since that's so flattering on everyone.

So she tried on the first one and really loved it. It even had a little bit of a train in the back and it was just gorgeous on her and I thought for sure she wouldn't even want to bother with the one other dress they had found, but I had her try it on anyway since it will be nice to have choices for the other two girls to look at. Oh. . .my. . .god. . . the second dress looked absolutely phenomenal on her! I was more excited about hers than mine when we were leaving the store. :)

So now it's just a matter of getting all of us out to Auburn so that the bridesmaids can try on the two dresses and figure out which one they like.

I'd describe my dress but I don't want to give anything away and I know John reads this so you'll just have to wait.

Afterwards we ran over to my parents' house (just me and John) and had Chinese food with them. It was a fun evening. My dad even offered John a beer, which is a rare occurence. But we still had to deal with Mom asking us about four times if we were sure we wanted to get married. I was really surprised at that since everytime I talk to her about it she says that her and Dad think I'm much happier now and whatnot. I think she thought she was being funny or something, but it just wasn't. Anyway, other than that it was a fun night. We didn't leave until almost nine.

That's not the drama part though. The drama part comes in with wedding plans and trying to make all our friends happy and feeling really let down by some people lately. I don't want to really get into it, but basically I really hate drama and we've been surrounded by it lately. John asked a guy to be in the wedding party and he turned him down. I can't imagine turning someone down to be in the wedding. Being asked to be in a wedding is a great honor, to me anyway. I've never once been asked to be in a friend's wedding. Well, that's not entirely true. My friend Brynn did ask me to be a bridesmaid, but there was some SERIOUS drama surrounding her wedding and a certain person involved and I basically ended up telling her if I wasn't important enough to not invite this person then I wasn't important enough to be in the wedding. Then a few months later I got disfellowshipped so who knows if she would have corrected it or not. I doubt it.

I didn't even get asked to be in one of my other bridesmaid's wedding (from my first wedding). I mean, these are supposed to be the people you're closest to and I was lucky to even get to say "hello" to her on her wedding day. It sucked. So I thought really seriously about who I was going to ask this time around. John thought long and hard about it too. And now it's just gotten way out of hand. I'm sure it'll all smooth over, but it's just so frustrating.

::sigh:: Other than that I can look forward to a day of a whole lotta nothing. John's at work until 7:00 so all I'll be doing is cleaning and maybe watching a movie by myself. Oh, and listening to screaming birds. And then it's back to work tomorrow. Yippee.

Off to wash some dishes.

It's a Boy!

2005-11-04T16:49:00.000-05:00

One of my best friends, Dawn, had a baby boy in October. Here is a picture of him. I can't wait to meet him when I am reinstated next year. At times I think "a year. . .that's not so bad." And then events like this happen and I think "Hmm, that justice of the peace wedding next month is looking pretty good." But I never want to regret a serious decision in my life and I know if I rushed this wedding I would really regret it.

Anyway, here is the picture. Isn't he adorable?? (And Dawn's not half bad either. ;) )

Surgery

2005-10-22T10:43:00.000-04:00

I've been out of work all week. I went in Wednesday morning for about an hour and a half. Woo hoo. What a paycheck that'll be. . . .

Turns out I have to have some minor surgery tomorrow. I was wondering why I was having back pain and it's because I have a cyst, tumor, whatever on my spine so they obviously want to take that off. It's not a big deal. It's not like they think it's cancer or something. I guess it's fairly common. Doesn't stop me from worrying at least a little bit about being knocked out for back surgery.

The worst part is that Saturday we were going to troop at the museum of science in Bostom because George Lucas is going to be there. It would have been so cool to see GL up close and personal. Hopefully people will take good pictures for us.

On the plus side, John called around some places about wedding reception sites. I was so proud of him. He asked really good questions and we may have even found a place down the street from the church. I'm psyched. And I really was proud of John. He really took some initiative and made me think he's a bit more excited about this than he's seemed lately. But that's guys for you right? Never very involved in wedding stuff.

Well, back to lying on the couch and watching x-files reruns. This is the one that takes place in Maine - the way life should be.

Things I've Realized Lately

2005-08-29T20:46:00.000-04:00

1. I can't remember any of my old friends' phone numbers.
2. Nor their middle names. Brynn. . .maybe. Jesse Jacob, but that's easy. Dawn. . .was it the same as mine?
3. I can't even remember some of their LAST names.
4. When was the last time I saw any of them? It's been a LONG time. . .
5. Birds are LOUD
6. Housetraining a puppy is way harder than they originally tell you.
7. MTV never plays music anymore.
8. Episode III is on DVD november 1st.
9. I am sometimes a bit of a weirdo
10. I got rid of a lot of my old dresses back when I wasn't going to meetings and now I am and don't have anything to wear.
11. I MISS them all (my friends, not the dresses)

Pets will be the death of me - financially, that is.

2005-08-11T08:59:00.000-04:00

Pixel had John awake all night Monday and Tuesday because she was sick throwing up and stuff. That’s always fun. So he took her to the vet yesterday and they gave her some meds. Hopefully that’ll clear that up. It only cost us $50 too. I expected it to be more. That’s a relief. I’m not getting paid this week due to vacation last week and John is on a bi-weekly pay schedule so he won’t be paid until NEXT Friday. You gotta love it.

Today poor John gets to take yet another animal to the vet. Except for this one he has to go out to Walpole because that’s where the closest avian vet is. One of the blue baby lovebirds managed to get some string in the nest wrapped around his foot. I’m pretty sure we cut it all off but it’s two days later and his foot is swollen. So off to the vet we go. It’s $51 just to be seen, $70 for each x-ray, god knows how much for meds if he needs them, and it could run us up to $600 if he needs to have his foot removed surgically. You know, I wanted to keep one, but I really didn’t want it to be under these circumstances.

The people on my lovebird forum say I might just be worrying over nothing and that it’s perfectly natural for the foot to be swollen because the baby probably picked at it himself and inflamed it. but the foot looks really bad so I don’t know. If he has to go through life with one foot he’ll still be okay. Apparently someone on the forum knows a lady with a one-footed canary who got along just fine. And I’m sure there are other birds that have had to do it. I’m definitely not willing to just put him to sleep because he has a bad foot. So we’ll see what happens today.

I’ve been having weird dreams lately. Some of them are easy to interpret. For instance, I had a dream Monday that my friend Paul (not Sarah’s Paul, but the one who is best friends with Ray) was talking to me and telling me that he missed me and wanted me to get reinstated. He gave me a hug and then he walked away and I woke up. Saddest part of that dream? Who knows if he’ll even talk to me when I get reinstated?

I also had some random dream about yelling at JW sister who was snippy with me about putting a chair in the wrong place at the Kingdom Hall. No idea. And right after that was a random dream about some people in the 501^st and going to see a movie at an ice skating rink. Yea. . .

Katie

2005-08-10T09:47:00.000-04:00

Hi all,

This is Kathy. I'm writing to inform you all that Katie has beaten her
battle with Cancer. Katie passed away at 5:20pm Today. Myself Al and
Allie are trying to hold it together as best we can. We would appericate
no phone calls for a few days.

Katie's Funeral will be at 4:00pm on Friday at Riverland Hills Baptist
Church here in Columbia.

On behalf of myself and the entire family thank you for all you support
and prayers. Please keep Al and Allie in your prayers as well as Katie's
mother and step father. Al will be intouch soon.

Thank you
Kathy Johnson

We spotted the ocean at the head of the trail
Where are we going, so far away
And somebody told me that this is the place
Where everything's better, everything's safe

Walk on the ocean
Step on the stones
Flesh becomes water
Wood becomes bone

And half and hour later we packed up our things
We said we'd send letters and all those little things
And they knew we were lying but they smiled just the same
It seemed they'd already forgotten we'd came

Now we're back at the homestead
Where the air makes you choke
And people don't know you
And trust is a joke
We don't even have pictures
Just memories to hold
That grow sweeter each season
As we slowly grow old

Apostate Warning

2005-07-29T15:42:00.000-04:00

I figure this is the best way to do this. A couple posts ago I put up Sara Kent's name and email address because she was harassing me. I've spoken to my Elders and I want any JWs to know who read this that you SHOULD NOT CONTACT HER. She is most likely an apostate trying to discourage people away from the meetings. Do not email her. You will only encourage it. My Elders are working to find her if she is actually a Witness in good standing and she will be dealt with in time. If not from humans then at least from Jehovah. Thank you for all the support. Stay away from this girl. She is bad news!

I'd just like you to know

2005-07-29T15:41:00.000-04:00

That I'm not a vindictive person. However, I've been attacked today over email and I'd like to have as much fun with it as possible.

So here is the original email I received today totally randomly:
Jessie,
You are not witness material. I would advise you not
to even bother coming to meetings. Surprised you dared
show your face at the DC. You really made an ass of
yourself before the cong. You are disfellowshipped, in
line with 1 Corinthians 5:11 and you have an
unrepentant heart. You are DEFINITELY NOT Witness
material, merely an emabrassment to Jah's org.

That was totally weird and random. She proceeded to go off on how DF'd ones should not be allowed to sing at meetings and all this dumb stuff. Obviously some little girl with a lot of time on her hands. There's no way she's a Witness or she wouldn't have contacted me in the first place. She's probably df'd too and mad about it or something.

So to make her more mad please feel free to send her some real nice spam -
Real name - Sara Kent
Email - quiggerly@yahoo.com
Last known location - Tobyhanna, PA in 2003. (The cops can easily find her that way.)

Unfortunately, this woman is a mother. I can only imagine the damage she's inflicting on her child.

There, I'm much more cheery now.

A really tough day for me

2005-07-25T11:04:00.000-04:00

I would think anyone who has been disfellowshipped would be interested in this little story of mine. But it could be amusing (or just plain sad) to the rest of you too.

I went to my old Kingdom Hall’s district convention with Mom yesterday. For those of you who don’t know, DC’s are held in a large con center and there are usually about 5000 people there. We had 5,776 yesterday. Southbridge’s is held at UMASS Amherst’s campus. It was also Leicester’s con yesterday. Leicester is the congregation we went to when I was four. I still know a ton of people from it and Ray was actually from it before he switched to my Hall when we were dating. Then my mom and I (and Ray) went to the Ware Hall. I was told Ware was not at this one and I was glad because I’ve had some issues with them which you can read about in my old open diary account.

I showed up to my mom and dad’s house (Dad was out golfing) at about 8 a.m. I was nervous, but I knew if I just relaxed it would be okay. The ride was surprisingly uneventful and we just talked about TV shows and President Bush and Iraq and how there’s no way there’s ever going to be peace until the Earth isn’t run by humans anymore. We got to UMASS and found reasonably good seats. They were pretty high. You can see here

After being assured Ware wasn’t here you can imagine my surprise to see six people from Ware sitting in the next section over in plain view of me. And who would those six people happen to be? My ex boyfriend Jacob who is now married to my ex best friend Brynn. They were sitting with Brynn’s mom (who used to be my herbalist) and Brynn’s little sister Mikaela (my flower girl from my first wedding). Also they had Brynn’s friend Jamie with them and her soon to be (already?) husband whom Ray used to beat up in school (lol). So I got to stare at them the whole time.

Sitting below us was one of Ray’s good friends Johnny and his wife so that was just peachy. Johnny saw me in the hallway, looked right at me, and looked away. To the side of us and below were my friend Dawn and her husband Craig. They got married a week after Ray and I did and Dawn and I would email all day at work. Dawn is six months pregnant now and although I’m of course happy for her, it makes me really sad too. We were trying to get pregnant at the same time actually. In hindsight, I’m glad it didn’t work out for me, but seeing her ready to have her first child just really tears me apart and makes me realize how far behind I am in my life right now. We were going to raise our kids together and be friends and all that. We only lived like ten minutes away from them and Ray and I even thought about buying a house even closer to them at one point.

I did okay through the first half. Then we broke for lunch. Mom and I sat in our seats and ate our lunches (that Mom packed. Yummy). I saw Brynn turn around and scan the crowd and lo and behold she actually SMILED at me. So I smiled back and then we went back to our lunches. I was planning on just sitting in the seats the whole time, but Mom suggested we take a walk. So we did. Big mistake. When I used to see DFd people I would smile at them. The Bible says you should not be exchanging even a greeting so I would never say hi or anything. But I think a smile is the least you can do to let them know you’re glad to see them. I must have passed ten friends and not one of them even glanced at me. I came out of the bathroom and practically ran into Craig. Maybe he just didn’t have time to smile or something since I almost ran him over. I can understand that. And Dawn was standing in line and probably barely saw me before I slipped past. But I saw people who were my BRIDESMAIDS who wouldn’t even make eye contact.

The only other person (besides Brynn who I’m not even friends with anymore) that was nice was this guy I know from Southbridge. He and his wife are close to my age and she has actually been DF’d so she knows what it’s like. In fact when my mom told them yesterday I was going the girl said she’d be sure to smile at me because she knew how much that meant to her back then. So her husband held the door for us and made eye contact and smiled, which was nice. But it made me even sadder that the only people to care were an ex friend and a guy I’d probably said ten words to. By the end of lunch I was close to tears and when we got back to our seats I told Mom I just wanted to go home.

Of course there’s no way that was going to happen. I sat there and cried through the public discourse for about an hour. And you know what pissed me off? All I could think was, “Dear god, do not let Jacob turn around right now because seeing me upset would give him soooo much satisfaction.”

He used to play serious mind games with my head. And he and Brynn and Ericka were not the best influences I’ve ever had. They were NOT good JW kids. I was. And yet I’m the one who’s DFd now. Jacob was so self-righteous. He loved to tell me how horrible it was that I hung out with worldly people (non-Witnesses) and that I wasn’t a good Christian. So I knew if he saw me crying he’d think I was doing it because of feeling bad about myself or something. In actuality I was doing it because I finally realized that what I’m fighting so hard to get back to isn’t even there anymore. Think about it.

Dawn is the only one who misses me. Maybe when I got reinstated I could see John and me hanging out with the guy who held the door for me and his wife because they were in almost the same situation we are. But other than that – the rest of them are just useless as friends. And that’s a really crappy thing to find out.

I got up at one point to go call John and get some reassurance from him. On my way out I saw Jacob coming towards me. I had about ten seconds to decide what I wanted to do. I opted to go the wuss route and look down at the ground as I passed him. Sure, he might have smiled, but he's also the manipulative type and he might have used that opportunity to totally snub me (he'd find some way to do it worse than just looking away) and then I would have been truly upset. So I didn't even chance it. I went outside and talked to John for a few minutes and felt a bit better and then went back inside.

All I could think sitting there watching Jacob and Brynn was that I wished I could tell Dawn about it because she understood all the idiocy that they put me through. She understood what horrible friends they were and I kept hoping that somehow she’d glance over and see what I was stuck dealing with and at least smile or something. But of course the likelihood of that happening wasn’t good. Not because she was ignoring me or something, but because of where we were all sitting. I could see everyone, but they couldn’t see each other or me unless the really turned around and searched.

The assembly was fine that day because John went with me. The convention would have been easier to handle had he been sitting next to me making me laugh and forget about all the people who weren’t even worth my time when I WAS in good standing in the Kingdom Hall. So forget it. I was always getting reinstated for just me, but now I know how little there is to go back to at that particular hall. I’ll probably stay in Hopedale once I get reinstated. They all seem pretty nice there.

When I left my parents’ at the end of the day I think my mom thought I was mad at her, but I wasn’t. I just wasn’t surprised at any of the conversation we had (about John and DFing and all that. I saw it coming). I tried calling her to explain on my way home, but no one answered.
I am just totally mentally exhausted from that whole ordeal and I really need that vacation to Maine that’s coming up at the end of the week. And I need a good night out at Manray on Friday with some good friends. I need a break from reality.

Measure the Cost

2005-07-11T08:59:00.000-04:00

So my friend Jodi got me thinking about how much a cheap wedding would actually cost. Not that this might actually happen anytime soon, but with our money situation being what it is, I like to be prepared.

So, I'll go with my semi-dream wedding costs, which means about 30 guests and an actual wedding dress (on the sale racks, though) and some type of dinner even if it is cheap. Alrighty.

Dress: Let’s say the absolute maximum would be $300. I know I could find one for that. Heck, I found an absolute dream one for only $600 so half that price should get me something half decent.

Tuxes: I think John (and whoever he decides to have stand up with him) could just wear nice suits. John already owns a really snazzy one and I’m sure whoever he picked would have one too. If they didn’t, that’s usually their own expense anyway. Besides, I think John is still debating among the suit, his army uniform, and his star wars officer’s uniform. So we’re still at a total cost of $300. You with me so far?

Food: Honestly, with Val at the helm I don’t think we’d have to contribute anything to food. She and John would totally pay for it and have the other relatives make stuff too. But to be on the safe side, let’s say we have to donate about $100 to that for the pot luck dinner idea.

Ceremony: We’ll go with Jodi’s estimate of about $150. Say we tip the minister/priest/JP/whatever and all that and we’ll make it $200. Total cost so far: $600.

Reception: Here’s where it gets a bit tricky. We could always have it at John and Valerie’s. I know they’d be psyched. Heck, we could have the ceremony there too with just a minister, but I know John wants to get married in the church. So if we did it at Val’s it would be free. EXCEPT that I think we’d need to rent a couple tents and possibly one of those portable dance floors. One website online offered a portable dance floor rental for $1.50 per square foot. How many feet do we need? Anyone? I guess if we wanted 40 square feet (is that big enough?) it would be $60.

Now if we wanted to rent a Knights of Columbus or the local townie bar type place I really don’t know the cost of that without calling. But with the price of dance floors maybe we could just have it at Val’s and hope for good weather. So reception - $100 to be on the safe side with rentals.

Favors: I’m pretty artsy craftsy, as are some of my friends. I’m sure we could whip something up for 30 people for about $60. And that’s not even a necessity anyway. Centerpieces are the same thing. We could just make something cool or forego the idea all together.

Attendants: Usually pay for their own dresses so that’s no worry. And the only person I know for sure I want is Sarah for my maid of honor and Sadie as my flower girl. There are a couple other people I’m debating about at the moment, but either way they’d at least be invited to the wedding so that’s no extra cost.

Am I forgetting anything? I think I got it all. And of course the Stormtrooper escort would be free, right guys? ; )

So that brings the total cost (I’m not including marriage license or blood tests because we drop that much on McDonald’s every week) to: $820. A lot of money? Sure, but not nearly as bad at the $20,000 weddings you see sometimes.

::edit::
Oops, Jodi reminded me I forgot a few things.

Drinks: no idea how much this would cost and I can't even make an estimate. I'd have to look into it.

Invites: make 'em myself and have them printed - $50. Email and phone people: $0

Photography and videography: at least 3-400 dollars each. ::sigh::

At least I know my hair and make up would be free as would my attendants since my friend Kimmy always helps me out with stuff like that.

::2nd edit::
DJ: Augh!! $300 maybe?

I guess all told we'd need $2000 to pull the "simple" wedding off. That's still not THAT bad.

Katie

2005-06-27T11:12:00.000-04:00

As you all know, I'm a member of the 501st Stormtrooper Legion. The Legion's creator, Albin, has a daughter Katie who has cancer. Our group has been doing a lot of charity work to raise money for Katie, but we just got a rather depressing update from Albin on our legion message board. I've taken out their home address, but besides that everything is the original.

We met with the doctors on Wednesday to discuss the recent PET scans.
The information confirmed that the gray masses in the MRI scans are
indeed cancerous. The tumor has been growing aggressively and now
threatens Katie's life. The doctors were very direct with us, telling us
that the chemo and radiation could be considered a failure, and that now
medical science had nothing more to offer Katie. We have been told to
prepare for the end. Referrals have been made to Hospice and we are
making arrangements for how we want to treat Katie with 'comfort
medicine' in the final stages of the disease.

We have not been given a concrete timetable. Katie might have weeks, she
might have months. But due to the recent degeneration we've been seeing
in Katie's physical condition, we have to work fast if we want to do
anything special for her. I contacted Make-A-Wish and we have been
granted a Disney trip for the week of June 29th to July 4th and staying
at the village "Give Kids the World". We will be flying Katie's
step-sister down on Monday so she can participate. The cost is
unexpected, but the trip should be much more economical than we'd
normally have to consider, thanks to Make-A-Wish. We will be out of
touch for this week. We have successfully moved into the new house. Our
new address is _______________. All phone numbers are
the same. Please forgive us as we move in and out of touch.

I want to thank everyone who has prayed and supported us through this
ordeal. I ask that you continue your prayers and think of us as we are
about to enter the roughest part of this experience. Katie will be
treated for pain and discomfort as the cancer spreads, so it is our hope
her suffering will be minimal. The hard job will be for all of us, as we
try to keep a strong face and stay by her side through this.

I am not giving up on God. He is in control. I still believe in
miracles. God will take care of Katie and all of us no matter what the
outcome. By the same token, I am also wise enough to prepare for
whatever contingencies might happen. So preparations are being made.
Again, I would just ask that everyone pray for Katie and our family. If
there is anything you want to do for Katie, I would suggest doing it
sooner rather than later. I promise you we will do whatever it takes to
make her a happy little girl for as long as she is with us.

Thank you and God bless you all.

- Albin Johnson
Katie's dad

If you want to help Katie you can go here. Please keep her in your thoughts (and prayers if you are a religious person). I can't imagine losing a child. The grief is unbelievable. It reminds me how much I should appreciate my family and my friends while we are all here together.

Le Maison Bleu

2005-06-07T12:43:00.000-04:00

I am in desperate need of a vacation. I know, I know. We were just in Indiana in April. But first of all, that was two whole months ago. And secondly, it wasn’t much of a vacation. I mean, we had a ton of fun and it was great to have actually made it to a Celebration but it wasn’t a “lounge on the beach, take in the sights” sort of vacation. That’s the kind I need.

John’s parents have a time share in Florida that I haven’t heard them talk about using at all this year. It would be so rockin’ if we could go. We’d only have to come up with airfare ($360 for John and I roundtrip. I already checked.) and some food/expenses money.

It’s either that or a week in Maine. I do love Maine, but Florida is Florida. Besides, I’ve already been told I can’t even go to the family house in Maine. I’ve gone there every summer of my life – 22 of ‘em. But since John and I aren’t married my mom doesn’t think the relatives would be “comfortable” with that idea. I’m welcome to go up with my parents for a few days though. ::sigh::

It’s so sad because Moody Beach and that house have always been a comfort zone for me. And if ever there was a year I needed a comfort zone it is this year. I love to stay up until about 1 a.m. watching Nick at Nite on the old brown couch in the upstairs apartment of Le Maison Bleu (The Blue House, yes that is it’s actual name – we have a sign.) and then adjourn to “my” room that I’ve stayed in since I was a child whenever we were up there.

I want to sit at the picnic table style kitchen table and feel that tiny bit of sand underneath my bare feet that we tracked in from the beach the day before. The beach that is only a three minute walk away. I want to bike ride down to the marsh and smell the salt air and play “pooh sticks” under the bridge. (If you don’t know, then I’m sad for you.)

Then John and I can take a walk down to my Aunt Sue’s summer home, which is literally the next street over and visit with her for a bit before taking a quick drive to Ogunquit to see her daughter (my cousin) Megan and her husband John who own an Inn on the ocean. The Above Tide Inn.

Maybe then we'd be off for a drive to Nubble Light at night to try to see the owl that landed on the lighthouse that one time.
After that it’s off for a day of riding trolleys and hanging out at Perkin’s Cove, going to the Irish store there (run by an actual Irishman), shopping at Perkin’s Cove Candies (which smells divine), watching the Ugly Anne take tourists out for a boat ride (I am not a tourist since I’ve “lived” there for 22 years), and go to Billy’s Chowder House for some awesome chowder. Mostly I want to smell that smell that only the blue house has. I can’t describe it. It just smells. . .Mainey.

I suppose we could stay in a hotel in Wells and do all these things, but without that house it’s hardly the same. This started out as an entry about simply needing a vacation but it’s totally turned into me missing Maine.

My mom’s family owns two cottages in Moody Beach – Le Maison Bleu and Port Tawny (which is named after Tawny Port wine). For years the blue house was shared by all my Gramps’ kids and we took weeks up there in the summer. The red house (port tawny) was for renting out. Since guest weren’t allowed at the blue house my mom rented the red house a couple times so we could bring friends up. It was hard for me being the one only child out of all the cousins. I wanted Sarah to go everywhere, but she couldn’t go there. So we’d rent every once in a while.

When Gramps passed away he left the red house to three of the kids and the blue house to the other three. So I haven’t stayed in the red house in a while because my mom got part of the blue one.

One time my second cousin Jeffrey and I locked ourselves in a bedroom of the red house and got stuck up on the bunk beds and couldn’t get down. My mom had to crawl through a window to rescue us! : ) It was only because his older brother Mark was threatening to flush us down the toilet.

I really do miss Maine. It’s usually around this time that I start getting the itch to go. It’s terribly depressing to think I may not get to satisfy that this summer. But I hope that John and I can find something else to do (like Florida. Hint hint, John) if we don’t end up getting a hotel in Maine or something.

Either way, I want Sarah and Paul to take at least part of a vacation with us. I think that would be so awesome! Start planning guys!

ROTS Review - It's not all puppy dogs and ice cream

2005-05-31T10:10:00.000-04:00

Well, Revenge of the Sith opened last night. I’m told it made 16.5 million with just its midnight show. I’m not surprised. This was the long-anticipated end to a huge saga. And I have to say that after having last night and some of today to reflect on it, I was a bit disappointed. The die-hard fans are furious right now, I’m sure. “What? But. . .it’s Star Wars. . .How can you not like it??”

I will tell you how.

First of all, I’m not saying I hated it. I enjoyed it enough and I definitely plan to see it again. There was so much to see on screen that you certainly need to view it more than once to take it all in properly. I did not hate every second of it. I left with a mostly satisfied feeling.

But let’s cover what did bother me and then we’ll end on a high note with the things I really enjoyed. WARNING: HUGE SPOILERS AHEAD.

1. Anakin and Padme – the dialogue between them was definitely lacking. I cringed during the whole “I love you because you love me” part. But that can be dismissed because what can you expect from Lucas except for bad direction? He’s nothing if not consistent.

2. Anakin and Padme – Yes. There’s more. How in the great big galaxy did NO ONE realize that Anakin and Padme were married and having a kid?? They LIVED together, people! This is no big shock. I spent half the movie thinking to myself, “But Obi Wan must know. How can no one know?” I was thoroughly confused.

Obi Wan turns to Padme at the end and says something like, “Anakin is the father, isn’t he?” Well, gee, genius, we may just have to elect you scholar of the year! Every time Anakin goes home he always goes to Padme. We never see some “front” apartment where he lives. Did people honestly believe he was living in a box on the street or something? C’mon!

3. Luke and Leia – Okay, Mr. Lucas, we all know that the twins end up being named Luke and Leia. What we didn’t know was how or why. Now we know the how (thanks) but not the why. They never show the couple discussing names for their kid. They never show any discussions at all about family names. What, did Padme just pull the names out of thin air? Give me a break. There should have been some explanation behind that.

4. Empire Strikes Back. “That boy is our last hope.” – Obi Wan
“No, there is another.” – Yoda
Once again, Lucas twists things to suit his needs with no concern for the fans or continuity at all. Obi Wan practically DELIVERED the twins. He KNOWS that Luke is not the last hope. So why does he say it? Hmm, much confused George Lucas is.

5. the most atrocious thing of all. The Jedi were taken out far too easily. Oh. . .my. . .god. . You’re going to tell me that Jedi MASTERS would not have put up any kind of fight? Would not have been able to sense something about to happen to them? They are constantly taking out droids so easily and defeating foes without batting an eye, but three clones with guns turn on them and they fall down helpless? I realize they had to die. I do. I know that’s Lucas actually sticking to some continuity and it’s appreciated. However, they could have gone down with a fight is all I’m saying. It was sad.

6. And what is with the clone troopers expressing not even an ounce of remorse over killing their comrades? I know that they serve the emperor. I know that they are made to follow orders. But one second the leader is handing Obi Wan’s saber back to him and joking around and the next he tries to kill him. I would have likes to have seen a sigh or a moment of hesitation in there somewhere. It’s wholly unbelievable that not one of them would give a care about it.

7. I don’t care how arrogant Anakin is. I don’t care how angry, how spiteful, how hate filled he is. There is no way in hell that he would go from feeling remorse over killing Mace Windu (or helping to) and still questioning the emperor’s motives in one second to kneeling before him and vowing to go kill younglings the next. I know that the emperor is the only one with the key to the dark side and therefore the key to saving Padme. But I just can’t make that link (and I don’t believe Anakin would have either) to where killing children helps save Padme. Nope, sorry, try again. Do not pass go and do not collect two hundred dollars.

8. I would have liked to have seen Yoda go to Dagobah and settle in for his self-induced exile. I also perked up when he mentioned Qui Gon and then they never even showed him. Cop out.

I did promise that there were things I liked about this movie. So please don’t try to force strangle me yet.

1. R2 Rocks. If you’ve seen the movie, that’s enough said about that. He just rocks.

2. Yoda rules. He could kick everyone’s ass and they make that abundantly clear. Go Yoda! Everyone in the theater cheered and clapped when he took out the would be assassins. And then when he ever climbed up on, I believe it was, Chewie’s back. . . Too sweet. It really made you even sadder to see what was happening to all the Jedi. When he took out the royal guards with a flick of the hand – another cheering moment. Wonderful. His duel with the emperor was good as well. Sending him toppling head over ass into his chair was great!

3. even though it was terribly disturbing, I’m glad they covered who exactly killed the younglings and how it was done. I was wondering if they would even touch upon it or leave it alone. Thank goodness that this was a dark movie and showing a bit of it was not beyond Lucas. It’s heart wrenching to see the little one go up to Anakin and say, “There’s too many of them. What will we do?” But I’m glad they stopped where they did.

4. The young one helping Bail Organa was great. You know the troopers were just going to shoot him in the back as he walked back to his ship. That young boy allowed him to escape and therefore be able to take care of Leia. It was a nice sacrifice to add to an already sad moment in the film.

5. The Mustafar scene is nicely done. The effects on Anakin as he burns are very good and it was disturbing to watch. I would have liked it “I have the high ground” had been mentioned in a practice duel between them or something. Something to make it more personal. (I know, this is half a complaint in the “good” section. Deal with it.) But seriously, when did it ever matter to a Jedi if an opponent had the high ground? Puh-lease. But I did almost shed a tear when Obi Wan said that Anakin was like a brother to him. Very sad.

6. Adult film. Finally, a Star Wars for adults! I saw a ton of little children there last night and was not enjoying that. There were kids crying during the nasty scenes and totally disturbing the movie. Do not take little kids to see this. It is intense and it ruins the movie for the rest of us. I'm so glad that it's finally for adults and not kids. That's how it should be. Watch it when you're older.

There was more little stuff that I enjoyed, but I’ll have to see it again to really appreciate it. It was better than 1 and 2 by far, but nothing can stand up to the original trilogy. I was disappointed, but that doesn’t stop me from rejoicing with the rest of fandom in a very bittersweet time – as Star Wars comes to a close. Something we’ve waited a long time for but, now that it’s here, I’m sure will be depressing as hell.

Star Trek closed last week as well. And for the first time in. . .eighteen years there won’t be any kind of Star Trek show on TV this coming fall. It’s a sad time for sci-fi, but a time for rejoicing as well. Wil Wheaton put it best in his blog when he said, “There was an explosion of geeky goodness in the last few years, and now it's time to step back, and . . . well, thin the herd, I guess. We're at the dawn of a new geek era. The sun is only setting on the prologue.”

::edit::
I forgot to cover one other thing that people are complaining about but that I think they are wrong about. It's covered perfectly on this cool blog I stumbled across today:

"At first glance, the final battle seems emotionless, but it's not. Obi-Wan pleads with Anakin at the beginning, middle, and end of this fight. This is his pupil, and he's gone horribly wrong. Obi-Wan cries, "I've failed you, Anakin," and makes a comment that Palpatine is evil. Anakin replies, "From my point of view, it's the Jedi who are evil." I mean, after all, aren't they holding him back, from his point of view? Obi-Wan also makes a heart-wrenching speech once Anakin starts getting cooked by the lava--"You were the chosen one! You were my brother! I loved you!" and Anakin says, "I hate you!" Geez...those are some damn emotional words being spoken during and after the duel."

This is so true. And it’s something I had forgotten about too. This moment was one of the maybe three or so that made me want to cry. That horribly vehement scream of “I hate you” at the end is very profound and sad. You can’t say that battle had no emotion. I certainly wasn’t on the edge of my seat as in the duel from episode one, but it gets you “right here”. ; )
::end edit::

CIII Review

2005-05-02T15:35:00.000-04:00

Vacation was an interesting experience. Here’s the summary of it for you.
To view pictures go here.

Wednesday – We were supposed to be picked up at our condo by a van since we had so much stuff. The van broke down so they sent us a ten person limo! Woo hoo! Met up with some of the guys at Logan airport, had our luggage checked through by hand (big armor boxes with thousands of dollars worth of costumes in them), and then got on our tiny bus with wings. It was a Canadair jet. The plane only sat 48 people. The ride there was awful – tons of turbulence, it was at night, I just didn’t like it. Fortunately, Aaron sat in front of me and John and he proceeded to go through all the Lewis Black and blue collar comedy tour routines he could think of. That stopped me from crying for a little bit at least.

We landed about 10:00 p.m. Indiana time (an hour ahead of us) and John and I went to our hotel in yet another ten person limo. We rock. Ordered room service and then crashed.

Thursday – the lines at CIII were god-awful. Even if you had bought a badge before the event you were still waiting in hours long lines. John and I had gotten into our Fett and Boushh costumes and finally gave up on standing in line. We just walked up and down the line and took pictures with people. I like to think it made their wait a tiny bit more bearable. Then one of our NEG friends, Jason, ended up getting John and I along with two of our other friends volunteer badges. We had to work in retail for two hours that day.

I thought, “Retail. How bad can it be? Stocking shelves and stuff. I can do that. I worked at a video store.” Oh how wrong I was.

It was the official CIII store and the line was, shocker, hours long. People were NOT happy. They saw us walk in with our red volunteer shirts on and they started cheering. This, in case you were wondering, is not a good sign. I had my life threatened twice (one guy said he’d come back and shoot me if his t-shirt sizes weren’t right) and it was just chaos from beginning to end.

Also, the gencon people, who were being PAID to be there, sat at tables the whole time and drank water and ate snacks. When one of us lowly volunteers would ask them a question they acted like we shouldn’t be bothering them with such trivial things when they had relaxing to do.

But when it was all over John and I were allowed to run around the back room and buy a bunch of stuff without having to wait in the line. So it was all worth it. I vowed never to volunteer for the retail line again. Next time we just showed up in armor. They can’t make you run around then.

Right after volunteering we had to rush back to the hotel room and get ready for the NEG party at Matt’s house. That’s where he and some of the other NEG members were staying. His family lives in IN, about 10 minutes from the convention center so that was convenient. The Japanese garrison showed up too. They know a couple people from our garrison so we got to hang out with them all night. It was a lot of fun. I got a couple pictures of all of us together. They had karaoke at the dinner but we won’t relive the horror.

Friday we trooped a bit up and down the line again and then we got changed into our “comfortable” costumes. John had his officer’s uniform and I brought my Mara Jade, newly equipped with my Jeff Parks Mara Jade lightsabre. Oh yea!

We went to get autographs. Some of the lines were a little long – about a half hour – but it really wasn’t too bad. I met Amy Allen (Jedi Knight Aayla Secura) and Shannon McRandle (Mara Jade). John met Jango Fett, a couple officers, and Kit Fisto. Very cool people. We got pictures with all of them.

Then it was off to the 501st party at CIII. That wasn’t too bad. It was really boring at first. But then more people started showing up and we raised a lot of money through ticket sales for Katie. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, click on her name.) Her father, Albin, was there and he gave us an update on Katie. Her tumor has shrunk 50%. Amazing. They even had a video she made for all of us. Sweet kid.

Albin did this fun thing where he called out all the garrisons that were there and we all cheered and all that. The NEG is like the second largest or something like that. Anyway, we were pretty loud. John and I left shortly after that. I guess we missed the celebs that showed up later, but whatever. We were tired. I got some great pictures that night too.

Saturday was pretty laid back. All we did was go shopping in the dealer room, see the panel on the Heart of an Empire documentary, and go to dinner with Bob, Aaron, and Craig. We had tickets to Celebration at CIII but we heard it sucked so we went to dinner instead. John and I did stand just outside the line for a bit though in our Boushh and Fett. No one in our garrison had seen us yet so we waited around for some of them. They finally showed and we got some pictures. At one point Peter Mayhew walked by us to go out for a smoke. He was really feeding off the crowd – jumping around and waving. He’s a nice guy too. Everyone loved our costumes. I was glad the debut went well. ; )

The HoaE panel was awesome. I can not wait to see that film. It’s going to rock!
Shopping was “okay”. I was hoping for some patches, but only one dealer had any and they sucked. I got a 12” Padme and Qui Gon instead that I had been looking for.

Sunday morning we had to get up early for the 501st legion photo at 7 a.m. It wasn’t light enough outside so they marched us all the way around the con center and then into the exhibit room. Wow, there are a lot of people in that photo! And you can totally see me because for some reason they separated my little group from the rest. Kinda neat. Oh, and the guy who played Captain Typho (sp) showed up for it. . . in full pilot costume! Very cool.

Then we packed and kind of just hung out the rest of the day. We went to the RAM, which was this restaurant that totally catered to 501st members. 50% off in armor, 25% off with a garrison badge (which we all had thanks to Aaron). We were going to go to spatcon, but The Patriot was on TV so we watched that instead. Then it was back on the plane early Monday afternoon. The flight home was sooooo smooth. I took pictures and looked out the window the whole time. And I listened to my mp3 player that John bought me. This is the second big trip in my life that has been backed up by Third Eye Blind’s “Never Let You Go” (the first being my trip to Michigan). Bob and Aaron must have been happy I wasn’t flipping out because they were sitting in front of us.

We picked up Pixel that night after going out to Friendly’s with John’s parents. She was so happy to see us. Then we picked up Gunther and Gimli yesterday. ::funny story – I was telling John on the way home that I wished Gunther would pick up some of the stuff the other birds say at the place he was being bird sat at. One bird says “peek a boo” and I find it adorable. Just as I said that I heard Gunther in the backseat say, “peek a boo!” So cute!:: And we’re picking up Amelie from Ray’s house today.

So that was vacation. Woo hoo! Now when do I get a vacation to recover from my vacation?

Tomorrow is Celebration III !!

2005-04-19T18:39:00.000-04:00

Yea baby!

In about 24 hours from now I will be on a plane (eep) traveling to Indiana to go to CIII. I could not be more psyched. Well, unless I didn't have to fly. Then I'd be freakin' ecstatic.

I gave Sarah our flight info so she could track my flight and that way if I got nervous I could call her and she could tell me how far along on our route we are. So that's a bit of a reassurance.

I'm all packed and set to go. Tomorrow morning we're dropping Pixel off at John and Val's and we're bringing Gunther and Button (the birds) to this lady's house who had bird sat for us before. She'll give them freshies every morning and talk and play with them. Ray picked up Amelie this afternoon. She was miserable in her carrier but he called when he got her home and he said she and Felicity (his cat) were doing fine.

Gunther scared me to death last night. Amelie must have jumped on his cage and scared him or something because we heard him fall. So we went in to check on him and one of his flight feathers had broken off. I picked it up and there was blood on the tip. That is NOT good. Birds cannot clot which means if John and I couldn't stop the bleeding Gunther could die.

I took him out and he had little splatters of blood everywhere. I was freaking out. We put flour on the wound and sat with him for a while. He was all freaked out. I had a glass of water out for him, but he would only drink if I put some on my fingertips and put it in his mouth. He calmed down a bit though and stopped bleeding. We put him to bed and then I checked on him again later. He seemed okay. And he was still alive this morning. Always a plus.

So I am freaked about tomorrow but I'm really excited too. Some of our friends are getting there before us. And earlier flight I guess. This one guy from the 501st, Migz, called John today and I guess they're going to give us a call when we land tomorrow night and see if we want to hang out. We aren't landing until about 9:30 p.m. but we all figured the last thing we'd want to do is sleep since we'll be so psyched up from the plane ride and excitement and all.

The only thing that kind of sucks is that John emailed a couple guys in the garrison about my whole fear of flying thing. They were worried I was going to freak out or something. At least I freak out quietly. ha ha. Anyway, I guess it's not that big of a deal. It's just that I feel kind of silly because I was joking around about it on our forum and now I feel like it's been made to seem like a really big deal and I was downplaying it or something I guess. There's nothing I can do about it anyway and it doesn't matter so I'm moving on.

I posted a link to some awesome flight instructions. Go here and click on the first link. I think it says "saftey instructions for 501st flight" or some such thing.

Well, time to get offline. I've been on forever. Hopefully next time I write on here I'll be in Indianapolis, if I can get this stupid thing to work out there. Later!

Welcome to my blog, people

2005-04-17T13:14:00.000-04:00

Hello and welcome. Well, I just couldn't bring myself to post the link to my "real" personal blog so I'm posting the link to this one. It already existed and it was my back up blog so now I'll just post duplicate entries that I think ya'll may find interesting.

Well, sit back, relax, and enjoy the insanity.

I'm going to go back to watching America's Sweethearts. . .

My new cubicle

2005-03-16T08:13:00.000-05:00

Well, I just got out of a one hour meeting with the rest of my group. We’re the powerlink group here. There’s 11 of us. I like that I’m important enough to be in a “meeting” with my “group”. Did it really need the quotation marks? Probably not.

“Like your friend ‘Peter’!” –Just Married

Anyhoo. . .

Today, today, today. What is up for today? Well, right now I am yet again listening to Stiff Little Fingers. They may be my new favorite band. John hates ‘em. I don’t know why – they’re Irish. Well, they are kind of anti-government (shocker, right?) so that’d probably do it to Mr. Patriotic over there. But that’s cool. To each his own.

I brought new things into my cubicle today. My X-Men minifigs for one. I also have Spiderman, the Punisher, and Blade. Blade’s sword clips into his back and is removable from it’s . . .sheath? Kinda cool.

I also brought in a custom Mara Jade action figure that John had made for me.

For our housewarming, one of the gifts I got was a hardcover Star Trek graphic novel. It was wrapped in Spock anti-smoking ads from the 80’s. Very cool. So I brought that poster in.

I have a picture of John as an evil priest from a Shaws Halloween party, a pic of my parents from the 70’s, a cute pic of Amelie with her paws over her face, a picture I took in WSC photo class of my old street sign (I miss North Brookfield) and a picture of me and all my bridesmaids (and my friend Chip too. Honorary bridesmaid).

It looks a lot more like “me” in here. A few more finishing touches and I think I’m done.

Bob, one of the web guys for our garrison, got my Boushh pictures up. Go check ‘em out. They rock!

Jessie is a bounty hunter!!

Oh, and go look at imagestation for my new cubicle pics NOW. :)

It's a long way to paradise from here

2005-03-11T17:31:00.000-05:00

So it is finally the weekend! Actually, this week has pretty much flown by. Have I mentioned lately that I love my new job?

Today I listened to music all day. The title is from Stiff Little Fingers and I listend to some live radio too. WUMB, my favorite folk station. Yea, it's mostly punk and folk. Wierd combo, I know.

I downloaded the new Episode III trailer from my "source" even though it's not available online until Monday. I was trying to watch it at work but I needed quicktime and since I didn't have admin rights on my work comp I couldn't watch it. Welll, this guy Brian that I work with had just asked me if I watched the new Battlestar. I said I didn't and he said they had the whole first episode online so he was listening to it while he worked. I tried to do that but for that one I needed to download real player. Eesh.

So I went over to Brian to complain about my lack of admin rights. I figured he'd just get on my computer and download the programs for me. But he said, "Well, let's see what we can do about that." Ten minutes later I was the admin on my computer and I downloaded real player, quicktime, firefox, and a ton of add ons for windows media and such. It was great.

I watched the Star Wars trailer five times. And I got to watch the Heart of an Empire trailer again too. Then I listened to the entire episdoe of Battlestar Galactica. I only had to peek at it occasionally to follow along. And I got just as much work done today as I usually do with no "distractions".

I went to get my new license yesterday. It has my new address and my old "new" maiden name on it now. I love the picture too. The lady was the nicest person I've met at one of those things. She made me do another picture and told me to give her a real smile and it came out great! I actually love my license picture. How many people can say that?

So anyhoo, I'm chatting to Kimmy now so I don't want to lose track of what I'm writing. I'll be back. . .

Just a Shameless Plug

2005-03-11T14:00:00.000-05:00

John

I'm going to live to be 95.0!

2005-03-06T11:03:00.000-05:00

Take the health quiz here.

My results were for this reason:
Your calculated health span is 95.0 years. Below, please find the reasoning behind the questions, which you answered that made your score less than it should be:

A: PERSONAL

1. What is your gender:

Being female gives you a head start in the longevity marathon.

3. What is your marital status:

New England Centenarian Study data suggests that in the case of a woman, being or having been married does not provide a distinct survival advantage, at least in the ability to achieve exceptional old age.

4. Close distance to family members:

Do what you can to foster meaningful relationships with family and/or friends who live near enough to you that they can spontaneously drop by. Having such people in your lives is conducive to a longer, healthier life and probably helps you manage stress better and enjoy life more.

3. Coffee

Whatever your reason for not drinking coffee, it definitely has you on the right track. Don't start because it is much harder to stop the habit once you pick it up.

4. Tea

Try to give tea a chance. You may find that it grows on you. Regular tea consumption is a healthy habit that may actually be life extending. The antioxidants in tea may decrease your risk of heart disease and cancer.

9. Sexuality & Drugs

You are exercising good judgment.
(hahahah. That's just funny to me. sorry.)

5. Diabetes/ Blood Sugar Level

Of course, it is great that you don't have diabetes. Lower your risk by losing weight if you are overweight. Get your blood sugar checked at least every three years and watch for some of the more common symptoms of diabetes including excessive and persistent thirst, voiding large amounts of urine frequently with normal amounts of fluid intake, unexplained weight loss.

6. Regarding how old were you when you last had a child

Facts: In a study of over 100 centenarians, the Harvard based New England Centenarian Study found that 20% of the women had at least one of their children after the age of 40. This was compared to about 5% of women who lived to just average life expectancy. Thus, a woman who has a child after the age of 40 (without fertility assistance) is about 5 times more likely to achieve exceptional old age.

Lone Palm

2005-03-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

I knew this girl made of memories and phrases
Who lived her whole life in both chapters and stages
Danced 'til the dawn
Wished all her worries away

Back in high school I was dating this guy, Jacob (who's since gone on to marry one of my former best friends Brynn), and he and I used to exchange notes whenever we saw each other at the kingdom hall. He would put random song lyrics in them with just the initials of the artist or band and expect me, with my limited knowledge of such things, to know who it was. I'm still trying to figure some of them out.

I won't do that to you, dear reader. The above, not that you care, is from Jimmy Buffet's song who's title is above. I was listening to my Fruitcakes CD on the way over to Sarah's house yesterday and that just struck me as kind of sounding like me. Except I wish that I could wish all my worries away.

(Side note: Happy Anniversary Sarah and Paul!!! Six years. . .geez. Ready to give up yet? lol. Love you guys!)

I had a really really great night last night. It does deserve two "reallys". I got to Sarah's around 1:00 and Paul was there too. I wasn't sure if he would be. Sometimes he's off with Joe repoing or something. Sadie was watching cartoons on the TV so we watched that for a bit. I hadn't been there a half hour when there's a knock at the door. I thought for sure it would be Joe because he knew I was coming over that day and John was all paranoid saying that Joe's eyes lit up when he heard that and such. But it turned out it was Joe's girlfriend, who's name is also Sara, and her neice. They were going hampster shopping and "randomly" stopped by. They sat there for AN HOUR. I mean, c'mon, when you stop by someone's house and they have company do you stay there for an hour and just sit there staring??? It's so annoying to me. No etiquette from these people. She's done it before too. Paul and Sarah seem to think she's scoping me out because she knows Joe and I dated or something.

Okay, that was six or seven years ago. Back in high school. Do you know how long ago high school was in my memory? Anyway, she finally left and then Paul went out to get subway for me, him, Sarah, and Sadie. While we were eating Joe showed up. Surprise, surprise.

I don't have a problem with Joe. He just acts kind of snotty to John sometimes and I don't really get it. We ended up watching Pitch Black because Sarah had never seen it and it's one of my favorite movies. She just loves Vin Diesel so she had no problem watching it. After the movie we all sat around chatting about high school memories and regrets, where our lives are now, what we would have done differently. I talked to Joe about his seeming dislike of John. He said that he doesn't dislike John, but that he thinks that we are kind of the odd couple. Paul agreed. Oh, I'll give them that.

Let's see . . . the 22 year old girl raised as a Jehovah's Witness, non violent, shy, quiet, anxiety attacks, etc. My mom's a JW, my dad is a non-practicing Catholic. So on and so forth.

And then we have John, the 31 year old guy who spent 11 years in the military as a Military Police Officer and LOVED it. He loved owning guns, loved being in the military, loved it even as early as being a boy scout when he was little. Raised in a strongly religious Irish Catholic family - he's the perfect boy scout.

Yea, we're pretty much the odd couple. I'll admit to that any day. But we're happy, and that was something that all four of us could agree on last night was the most important thing.

It was great to sit around and chat with old friends who know me so well. I don't have that much anymore. And now I'm sitting here downloading music for my flight to Indiana. It's not until April 20th, but you gotta be prepared. John said he'll buy me and mp3 player when we can afford it so that I can listen to music the whole flight.

Currently playing thanks to Michael - Full of Grace. It was the song playing on the way to my Gramps' funeral. It never fails to make me cry. But it's a good cry.

Next up for my day - cleaning the bird cages. Oh joy.

Just Be

2005-03-04T13:09:00.000-05:00

I was up late last night. I thought that ER would be on so after I had read aloud to John from “Just a Geek” for about an hour (have I mentioned I totally love that he lets me read books to him? It’s great. We’re moving on to either Erma Bombeck or Michael Jan Friedman next), I went out to the living room to watch one of my favorites. Law and Order was on instead. I started flipping through channels and came across an old favorite – Judging Amy.

The show isn’t that old, but “old favorite” just sounds comfortable. So I lay on our nice new couch from John’s aunt and watched the show until 11:00. It was the episode where Vincent (Amy’s younger brother) gets shot while stopping a robber from hurting a young woman.

At the end Vincent is downstairs at Amy and Maxine’s (the mother) house doing laundry. Maxine comes down to help him and they start chatting.

“After Amy was born,” Maxine said. “I thought, ‘Perfect. One boy, one girl. But your daddy. . .he convinced me to have another.”

“Are you saying you didn’t want me?” Vincent says half jokingly.

“Only in the abstract.” Tyne Daly answers in that thoughtful way she has. “You grew on me after a while.”

Maxine starts to walk up the stairs and Vincent stops her saying, “Mom? What’d Dad want me to be?”

::pause::

“Happy.” She answers back, and it’s left at that.

Now, whether Vincent was asking if his dad wanted another boy or another girl, or if he was asking what his father wanted him to do for a living when he grew up. . .well, I haven’t a clue. But it’s a profound and moving moment to me nonetheless. I really enjoy that show. It never fails to give you something to think about.

::Warning - Here comes the rant::

With all the useless drivel that they put on TV these days it is always wonderful to turn it on and see a show like Judging Amy still thriving. ER has declined in quality over the years, but has never compromised principles as all these silly reality shows do. Friends was a phenomenal show but at least they went out on top. Just like Star Trek: TNG did. That’s always a good idea. ER should have taken it’s cue from TNG and Friends.

I’m sick of reality TV. I’m sick of the WB having shows that start off great and then just can’t stay away from morally debasing subjects (i.e. Everwood and Seventh Heaven). At first it’s all safe to watch with your kids (or with your parents, if you’re an embarrassed teenager) and then they have to get into sex or drugs or whatnot. It’s annoying is what it is.

My relief from all that is Judging Amy on Tuesdays and Airline on Mondays. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend checking out Airline. It’s on A&E (which, along with discovery and animal planet, offers amazing programming that is safe and enjoyable for all) usually at 8:00. Sometimes they switch it a bit so check your listings. But I hate flying and yet I love that show. Go figure.

So, there’s my little thought for the day. I’d like to just be happy. Simply and magically happy. It’s not nearly as easy as you think it is when you’re, say, five years old. Why can’t it ever stay that easy?

It’s always darkest before they turn on a light. – Anything Goes

Pictures!

2005-03-04T11:50:00.000-05:00

Please go here to view pictures from my new job! It's obviously the album marked EMC. You can look at the others, but they are kind of outdated. They're from when I was married. Enjoy.

E=MC 2

2005-03-01T13:30:00.000-05:00

Guess where I am. No, go ahead and guess. . . I'm at my new job at EMC. Right now I'm doing data entry, but next week they're starting me on customer service and reasearch. Basically, EMC has this website that's only for exisiting customers. When someone makes an email request to gain access to that website I get to verify by checking my databases and whatnot that they actually are a customer. And for this they pay me $16.50 an hour. Can we say woo hoo?

I'm on my lunch break now. The one bad thing about this job - they make you work 8-5 with an hour lunch. That means if I could just skip lunch like I used to do at Bose I could be out of here at 4 and miss the rush hour traffic. But I think I'm getting used to the forced lunch break. I got to eat an actual lunch today, that I packed myself, thankyouverymuch. And I read some of my Star Trek book. I called John for a bit and chatted with him. He said he bought me something. I have no idea what.

John said Pixel and Amelie have been chasing each other around and being all cute. I'm glad they're getting along for the most part. It's about time. Amelie still gets scared of Pix when she jumps too much though.

We had a noise complaint on Sunday. The nerve of these people. They run up and down the hallways screaming at their children (swearing, mind you), slamming doors, playing music at 1 a.m., etc. But our dog and bird have two incidents of a whining competition and all of a sudden we're public enemy number one. I wouldn't mind so much if this were an apartment building. But it's a condo that we bought and paid more than it's worth. The problem is, not everyone in the building owns. Some people do rent. So you've got the ones that don't care about their neighbors, don't care about the building, and don't care how their actions affect the rest of us at all. The guy that complained was probably one of them.

Bad news is if the condo association gets an official complaint they can order us to get rid of Pixel. Yea, I don't think so. You'll have to arrest me first. But we'll deal with that if and when it happens. I doubt it will because she's been much quieter these past couple days.

So, that's my new job and an introduction to my horrid neighbors. Hope you all enjoyed.

And the Beat Goes On

2005-02-24T09:44:00.000-05:00

Good news - My friend Eric is home from Iraq. I couldn't be happier right now. I'm so glad that he's home and safe. Not only that, but he actually thought to call me. This is a big deal for Eric as he’s usually pretty scatterbrained about such things. He called our friend Foote (last name) cuz he didn’t have my number anymore since Ray and I split. Since Eric was driving Foote told me to give him a call. I got his voicemail so I left my cell and home number on it. He called back just a few minutes later. I was so happy to hear from him. We talked for about 15 minutes and then I let him go so that John and I could watch Cast Away.

Moir’s girlfriend Tara is throwing him a welcome home party tomorrow night and he invited John and I. I’m all excited for John and Eric to meet. Moir is totally the best guy friend I’ve ever had (Ray excluded of course) and now that I’m dating John I would love for them to get along.

At least they’ve got the military thing in common. John was an MP for 11 years. Moir’s in the marines but it’s similar at least. Well, not if you ask them. The first time I told Eric about John (through email since he was in

Iraq

) Moir wrote back and said, “Tell him you can’t spell chump without m-p.” Nice, huh? But all the different sections of the military have their own little jokes for each other. It was sort of funny. That’s Eric for ya. Jump right in.

Can you tell I’m happy he’s home?

So we'll be going to that party on Friday and then we have our housewarming on Saturday. I invited Eric and Tara. I gave him an out, saying I knew he'd probably be tired from his party the night before and all that, but he said they'd come. Maybe being over there really has changed him a little. John said it would. Hopefully it will only be good changes, though. He did say that he jumps when doors are slammed now. John asked him (through me) how intense it was in the part of Iraq he was in. Fortunately he said it wasn't too bad, but the thing was that you spent all your time waiting for it to GET bad so you were really paranoid.

Well, that is my bit of news for the day. I can't wait for this weekend! Oh, and tomorrow is my last day at Bose. Then it's on to bigger and better things (i.e. money) at EMC!!!

Humans Disgust Me

2005-02-17T13:58:00.000-05:00

I found this on craig's list and I thought it was so horrid that I would repost it here so that others can complain as well. I fully intend to write to Cafe Press even though it probably won't matter. Free speech, even for disgusting morons. Read on:

Please help STOP this madness
Reply to: see below
Date: 2005-02-17, 12:37PM EST

There is a person with a website http://www.savetoby.com. On this website it says that a bunny will be killed unless " X" amount of money is raised. The person also has a store at Cafepress linked to the site where you can buy merchandise, or you can make a donation through PayPal. This is most likely just a sick "joke" and the rabbit will most likely not be killed, but it takes a sick individual to think up such ploy and to try to profit from it. Animal abuse is not a joke.

Please join me in contacting Cafepress' legal department at cup@cafepress.com and let them know that you find this to be disturbing and want them to remove the store from their website.

Thank you.

Please feel free to repost this.

VDay

2005-02-17T10:09:00.000-05:00

Look what John got me for Valentine's Day!
Sweetheart

Theme - influential person

2005-02-17T09:10:00.000-05:00

OpenDiary's Theme this week is: What person had the most positive influence on you when you were growing up?

I think parents are an obvious influence. That's the easy answer.

The harder answer, and the one I am reluctant to admit, is that there were a few of my friends that may have had a bit more influence than my parents. For instance, my friend Ericka who was three years older than me. She was the leader of our little group and any of us would have followed her off a bridge if she so chose. Fortunately, I grew out of that. But it took me until I was about sixteen to do so.

My ex friends Brynn and Jesse have had a great deal of influence on me over the years. Mostly negative to my emotional development. To quote a silly teen movie, Mean Girls, they are “life ruiners”.

Finally, my friend Sarah had a tremendous amount of influence on my life. Hers was mostly positive though. From the descriptions above it looks like I needed that, eh? : ) She was two years older but most of the time it didn’t seem that way. I still joined a lot of the same clubs as her in high school and whatnot, but I think we each did an equal amount of leading and following.

Potato Soup

2005-02-13T19:01:00.000-05:00

When my mom was working really long hours at her school (she's an art teacher and they take advantage of her kindness a little too often) my dad was left to do a lot of the cooking. He had worked as an inventory manager at a pharmecutical company for 12 years and they sold the co. to a Japenese company who decided to get rid of everyone who worked there. So Dad had a nice "haitus" as he liked to call it.

Dad actually seemed to enjoy doing more of the cooking and he would even make his own variations on recipes and make up his own new things too. He made up this recipe for potato soup. Not chunky potato soup, but really creamy soup.

When I got married and moved out I asked him for the recipe. It was one of the few things I actually enjoyed making. When I set my mind to cooking I do it well. But it's not something I like to do. Ray always liked it and I even made it for dinner once when we had John over.

So now John's working till seven tonight (he should have just gotten out actually) and I'm at home with some nice warm potato soup waiting. Ah, comfort food.

I remember my dad being so flattered that I wanted his recipe for soup.

Today I took Pixel to visit John on his lunch break. She looked so cute in her little red sweater. And I have a seatbelt harness for her. I took her into petsmart afterwards to show her off. This lady with a pug thought she was just adorable. She asked if Pixel was a scotty dog. I always wanted a scotty so I thought that was slightly funny, but Pix looks nothing like that. Just that she's black. Oh well. The lady was nice. That's all that matter. I bought Pixel a rubber ball toy and some biscuits. She has snausages but I think they're too chewy or something. She takes forever to eat them. When the vet gave her a biscuit she loved it so I got her some.

Sleepless in Seattle is on right now. I was thinking that it would be perfect if they were showing You've Got Mail after that and I checked the guide and they are! Woo hoo! I was psyched. Now John and I can watch that before going to bed. Gotta get up early tomorrow. Lately I've been getting up at about quarter of five in the morning. It sucks, but it gets my day over with more quickly. Oh, and on Tuesday I have an interview at Sarah's old work - EMC. I hope I get it. It's for $4.50 more an hour.

Diane and Sarah

2005-02-12T15:38:00.000-05:00

I will ask you questions very shortly. (I love this game!) Right now John has just made me brownies (yum) and we are going to watch Star Trek: First Contact. Who can pass up that opportunity? : )

Sarah's Questions Answered

2005-02-12T15:32:00.000-05:00

1. What do you miss the most from your past?

I probably miss with which I made friends and was able to spend time with those friends. As you become older it becomes increasingly more difficult to get together with people, especially those you care about. A perfect example would be the afternoon I just spent at your house. How often does that happen nowadays? We are very fortunate adults to have almost every Wednesday free to get together with our respective boyfriends. Most people don't have that.

2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

I see myself married, in a house, with one or two kids. I hope to be reinstated by then. And I dont' want to move too far from the people I love - you, Ray, my parents. . . I'd also like to be working from home by then as a medical transcriptionist and I'd like to be on my way to saving up for my own book store.

3. Do you have any regrets? If so whats the worst one?

You know, I've always loved this question because when I was younger I would always have a regret that I could use. Now that I'm older I'm more experienced in life and I know that every experience I've had, good or bad, has made me the person I am today. If I hadn't married Ray, I wouldn't have met John. If I weren't df'd I wouldn't know John. So on and so forth. My life has made me who I am and I like who I am so I have no regrets.

Diane's questions answered

2005-02-12T09:19:00.000-05:00

1.What do you think life would be like for you right now if you never met Ray?

Gosh, that's hard to say. First of all, if I had never met Ray I don't think I would have ever met John. I met Ray for the second time, and the "real" time, when I was 16. So I probably would have spent a lot longer than I did pining after my loser ex boyfriend, Jacob. That would have been another year of my life wasted. Then. . .I think it's entirely possible, though not likely, that I might have ended up with this guy I knew, Chip. I was head over heels for him. Either that or I'd still be single because besides those few people I've never found anyone I was interested in enough.

2.What do you think life would be like for you right now if you never got disfellowshipped?

That's easy - it'd be easier. Never get df'd let me tell you. I thought it would be a good way to start over. and in some ways it will be, I know. But god, is it ever hard. If you want to come back, that is. If I hadn't gotten df'd that would mean I'd still be with Ray, too.

3.In your mind,would we have ever met if we had not both stumbled into blog culture?

I don't believe so. We live half a country away from one another. It's actually quite amazing to meet true JWs online at all. I feel pretty lucky to have found you.

Three Simple Questions

2005-02-09T16:31:00.000-05:00

We used to do this over at Open Diary and it was always a lot of fun. I thought I'd try it here. Ask me three questions in the comments of this post, any three will do. And I will answer them as honestly as possible. And if I don't answer them honestly I'll at least tell you that I'm not answering it honestly and why.

And if you want to do the same over at your blog send me a link so that I can go over there and ask you questions. So. . .you go.

Superbowl Aftermath

2005-02-07T07:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, so the superbowl wasn't that bad. It was actually kind of interesting. At least it was a close game so that it was a bit more exciting. And I did recognize some of the names I heard on the radio this morning thanks to watching the game.

What was weird is seeing my boyfriend get so into sports. It seems so against what I thought I knew of him. It’s not a bad thing per say, just different and unexpected.

You know what the monty python boys always say? “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!”

I hate to make this such a short entry, but I’m heading to breakfast with Val and Cheryl. I’ll finish this up later.

8:40 a.m.

I’m back. Mm, breakfast was good. Scrambled eggs with cheese and some crispy bacon. Terribly unhealthy, but I don’t care. It tasted good.

Now for a semi-random tangent:

I was always attracted to the alternative guys in school. The ones that were kind of punks (I mean the style, not as in “jerk”), or goth, or whatever. True, I dated some guys who weren’t like that at all, but I think there were only one or two who weren’t.

John used to be really . . . .different. Not spedcial different, just cool different. He was a goth, among other things, and the pictures I’ve seen of him from his high school days are really cool. He’s still unique, dresses all in black, and is super paranoid due to his somewhat sketchy past. But it’s stuff like the football game that is so against what the image I have of him in my head sometimes.

There is a nine year age difference between us. Let me tell you, that’s a lot. It’s a generation gap is what it is. And while my relationship with him has launched me back into my reminiscent high school days, what I seem to have done to him is force him to grow up before he was ready. He is not the self-confident teenager I hear stories about. There were things in his past that allowed him to be that way. A confidence he exuded because of the things he did and the people he hung around with. He is not that person anymore, and he tells me I should be thankful. I am thankful. I don’t need violence in my life. But that self-confidence. . . .that’s something he could use.

I am going through my second. . .what would be the word? Teenagerhood? It’s not a childhood by any means. I have retained my mature senses. But I’ve dug out all my old punk clothes and I’ve colored my hair red like I used to do in school. I have that giddiness about me again. And I love that. And I wish John could share in that with me.

I fear I may have killed the childhood in him. I wish I had known him since we were both young. Some days I feel older than his 31 years.

Superbowl Sunday

2005-02-06T11:09:00.000-05:00

Oh yea! Superbowl Sunday! I am ever so excited. Woo hoo! Wait a minute. . . I don't even like sports. . .I'm not excited. . . .
Hmm, forgot myself for a moment. Sorry.

John and I are going to his parents' house for superbowl tonight. His mom is an awesome cook but John made such a big deal about these gorditas that I made last week that his mom wanted me to make them for dinner. That's pretty dang cool if you ask me. So that's what I'm doing today besides being online typing to you fine folks. Oh, and playing with Pixel. Such a good pup.

So all I know is that the patriots are playing the eagles. And I only know that because Val told some story at work about fans standing somewhere with signs that said, "do eagles taste like chicken?" So I know that much.

I am so comfy right now. Sitting here in my favorite jeans and my SoaD tshirt. I should have thrown these jeans out long ago but they just fit so perfectly that I can't bring myself to do it. They were the jeans I wore when John took me to get my first tattoo. I have to hold on to them for sentimental reasons, right?

Speaking of sentiment - in case I die on this flight to Indiana in April I am writing out my will. But I'm also writing letters to important people. I don't really think that I'm going to die on a plane ride. It's just a precaution. I've had a will for a couple years now, ever since Ray and I bought the birds. Since birds live so long they're like kids and you really need to be sure to provide for them. Since Ray and I are no longer together I obviously had to modify my will a bit.

The sentiment part comes in when I started writing a couple of the letters it got me thinking about my experiences with these people, good and bad. I got out all my old journals and notes from high school and whatnot and read through a bunch of them. When Sarah left home and got disfellowshipped and all that I was so upset with Paul . . .and Joe too. I got rid of a bunch of notes I had from them. I don't exactly "regret" it per say because that was the well-thought out decision I made back then but yesterday I would have liked to have read a few things from them. Especially since Joe is so weird now.

Okay, he was weird before, but I mean a different kind of weird now. He's stand offish and kind of snotty. Whenever John and I are over Paul and Sarah's and Joe shows up it's always awkward. It's like he's staring John down or something.

A few months ago I called Paul about a computer problem and he was out repoing with Joe. I was saying hello to Joe through Paul if you know what I mean. I asked something like why he was always such an ass whenever I saw him and I heard him say to Paul, "You're never alone when I see you." I can only take that to mean that he doens't want John to be there. Which is retarded because Joe and I haven't dated since high school, back in. . .1997 or something and Joe has a live-in girlfriend now. Weird. I just don't get him sometimes. I guess that happened a lot actually.

Well, time to drag Pixel away from licking Button. ::sigh::

Test

2005-02-06T10:07:00.000-05:00

Just testing something. Back in a sec.

Sunwashed Windows

2005-02-01T07:54:00.000-05:00

There are some people from my “old life” as a JW who I just don’t miss. I don’t think about them, and I rarely would unless someone else brought them up. But then there are those friends who I can’t talk to and occasionally I wonder how they’re doing and if they’re thinking about me at all.

I was listening to this CD on my way into work. It’s a mix CD that my friend Rob made. I met him on a visit I made to Michigan back in 1999. I don’t think he made the CD for me; it was just some randomness that he burned and then ended up giving to me. But it’s a good CD nonetheless and I liked listening to it on my way into work and thinking about those “good ol’ days” of 17 hour train rides to MI and going to weddings where I don’t know anyone, and stealing reflectors and pumpkins off of people’s lawns. . . Yep, those were the days. Carefree, nothing to worry about.

I have another friend who hails from Michigan – Chip. I was just talking about him the other night with Ray w hen he came over. Must have been what made me think of him this morning. Well, that and the fact that he and Rob were friends so one kind of follows the other. Chip borrowed some xbox games of Ray’s last time he visited us, which was probably about a good year ago. I asked Ray if he wanted me to email Chip and tell him that unless he mailed the games back I was going to talk to him and get him in trouble. (Cuz you’re not supposed to talk to a disfellowshipped person when you’re a JW. Get it?)

There’s nothing special about the memories I guess, except that they’re mine and they’re of happy times. I’m happy now too, true. But when you’re young it’s different. Some would probably consider 22 to be pretty young still, but I feel a lot older than 22. plus, I’ve always been kind of mature for my age. My friends were always older. I consider myself to be about 30, personally. It’s not bragging if it’s a fact! LOL. Anyway, I was just reflecting on some adventures of youth and wondering if those people ever think about me and wonder if I’ll ever come back to the Truth. I hope they have confidence in me.

Not that Chip and I were talking much before I got df’d anyway. He got married. . . .last year I guess it was? And ever since then has been kind of unavailable. Oh, who am I kidding. He’s always been slightly unavailable. But there if I really needed him. I talked to Rob online far more. At least I got to keep in touch with him. And we had a great hours long conversation shortly before everything happened with John. At least I have that memory.

It’s not like they would ever even read this to check up on me. I don’t think they know it exists, first of all. And secondly, even if there was a link to my blog on my website, they used to always have to ask for my website address when they lost it so I doubt they’d ever check it. It’s all just speculation. “Do people miss me?” “Do they think I’ll come back?” There’s just no way to know until I do get reinstated and ask them.

John is afraid the elders will make me jump through hoops to get reinstated. But I told him that as long as he and I were married there’s nothing they can do. Well, besides tell me to stop talking to Sarah. But that’s a battle for another day.

Some Pictures

2005-01-30T18:21:00.000-05:00

Even though you can see pictures on my website I thought I'd show you blogger folks who stick around here what my pets look like. And me too. I'll get pics of John later.

This is my sweet grey kitten Amelie. Okay, she's not a kitten. She's two years old, but she's little and sweet and still acts like a kitten. She's not a purebred or anything but I think she looks just like a Russian Blue or a Nebalung (Go here to see Nebelungs)

Here is my cute little lovebird Gimli. We call him Button though because he is exactly that - a little button. He's happy in his little coconut. That's where Buttons come from you know.

This is my new puppy - Princess Pixel Pixsillius. Okay, it's not her real name. She's just Pixel. she's my little Pix. That's her red sweater, John's favorite on her. And she's playing with a tennis ball that's far too big for her. Everything's too big for her.

This is my quaker parakeet Gunther. Eventually I want to get a blue one. It's a mutation of the typical green. He's not typical though. He's wicked funny. I got a video of him talking today but only a little. I'm going to post a video once I get him to talk a little bit more.

This is me in my "office". It's just a desk in the middle of the living room but I like to feel important.

I was going to take just a regular picture of me standing near my avengers poster but then John called so I look like a dork on the phone. Don't even say it. I'm not a dork all the time. But yea, there's my little outfit I was talking about in my earlier post.

Well, that's all for now. I'll post more when I have some time. I don't want this page to take forever to load.

Stranger things have happened. . . .right?

2005-01-29T13:20:00.000-05:00

Well, I have a lot to write about today so there will be two entries. This one will cover the extremely strange previous 48 hours I have had and the next will cover some just some generalized thoughts I've been having, especially after reading a new blog I stumbled across, that I just want to get on "paper". This introduction is more to remind myself than to fill the rest of you in. Sometimes I get so into what I'm writing I forget the next thing I was going to move on to.

Well, first off - I did get together with Sarah and Sadie. We were doing this thing to surprise Paul and John with but Sarah ended up having to tell Paul where she was going because she was making him nervous or something. And John is not stupid so I think he knows what it is, but just for kicks I'll wait until I give him his gift to write about it on here. Sadie was adorable that night. She hung all over me. For a three year old she can be extremely well behaved when she wants to be. When I was putting her coat on so they could leave (they came up to visit with John and have pizza) she patted my shoulder and said, "I stay here." over and over. I almost told her she could. : )

So when Sarah, Sadie and I had finished with our present and were on our way back to the condo I checked my voicemail. I had one from Ray saying that if John and I were up for it he and Sara Beth were free the next night (Friday) to come over. This may seem like a leap for some people, but Ray and I had a really good conversation that other night and I had told him that if he could see being friends with John after all that has happened I would be open to being friends with Sara Beth. So there was talk of this happening. I just didn't think it would happen so soon.

I talked it over with John and he left it up to me. So I called Ray and said that if he could come over by himself and behave I'd consider getting together with SB at a later date. I wanted to see how the three of us would work before throwing the four of us in. I just wasn't ready to see her. Ray said he understood and we arranged for him to come over for a couple hours the next night before he went to see Sara Beth.

Went into work yesterday. I had an email from Sara Beth in my inbox. Of course my heart immediately starts racing. I don't think there's going to be another confrontation or anything, but it just makes me nervous you know? It was a nice email though. She said that she'd really like me to reconsider her coming over because she and Ray dont' have many nights free together to do something. She said she wanted to call but Ray was uncomfortable giving her my number so she put her cell in the email and told me to give her a call if I wanted. It was still pretty early so I texted her my cell number so she could call when she got up.

Then I called Ray to double check everything, make sure she even could get texts and all that. We talked for a few minutes, not long at all. That about covered it. Just some clarification on what was going on and then I said I'd talk to him later about giving him directions to our house.

So SB called and we actually talked for about 15 minutes or so. She talks really fast on the phone and I swear I have this slight hearing problem so I may have agreed to sell my life away or something like that. But it went well. She was getting out of class at 6:30 that night so I told her that if things went well with Ray he could just check in with her then and give her directions over to our place and she could meet up with the three of us there.

That did end up happening. Ray came over. There was no awkwardness. None that I could sense at least. We just stood in the kitchen after giving him the tour and talked for a while. We were all talking about my family because obviously Ray knows them pretty well and John is just meeting them all now. Ray was giving him pointers. My mom came up of course. You know what Ray said? That she actually said to him, "So, this star wars thing. Does she think she's in the movies or something?" She's that concerned that I'm in the 501st. Geez. you know what it is? She worries about it because she blames Star Wars for my divorce since that's how I met John. Real logical, right? No, sorry to disappoint. I dont' think I'm Mara Jade and that my replica blasters and lightsabers are real. But thanks for asking. We all had a good laugh over that.

Sara Beth showed up a bit later. I made gorditas and she brought a side dish for us all. We had this great mocha cake for desert. And then we all just hung out and chatted until about 10:00 p.m. That was really late for us cuz John had to get up for work at 3:30 the next morning. But he was a trooper about it. (Get it? Trooper. Geek.)

So it went well. That was my strange evening. But I always held out hope that Ray and John would be able to get along. And I never had any doubt about Sara Beth and I getting along until we got into it over email. I swear I never had issues before that. It is a little strange to me to get together with someone less than a week after they caused so much hatred in you, but hey, whatever. She's best friends with my ex sister in law Danielle who is married to Ray's older brother Matt. Danielle and I always had our differences and I guess that on her way over here Sara Beth was talking to her on the phone and Danielle was all in a fit about her and Ray coming over here. Like it matters.

Maybe it'll happen again sometime.

You're like a big bear, man!

2005-01-27T08:58:00.000-05:00

Augh, I am emotionally exhausted. This week has been hellish. And it’s not even over yet. Egad, is it really on Thursday? I’m in trouble.

Today at 2:30 I go to the oral surgeon’s to have my stitches checked. They are the dissolving kind so most of them are gone I think. There is a big hole in my gums though. It’s really quite gross. And it’s still sore. But today is the first day I didn’t take any codeine before work. It’s also the first day I haven’t fallen asleep while driving in here. Coincidence? I think not.

We took Pixel to the vet yesterday. She had on her little hooded sweater. Everyone thought she was adorable. One vet tech even squeaked with joy at seeing her. She said she had to leave the room. I’ve been told Amelie (my cat) was gorgeous before but I’ve never had anyone squeak at how cute one of my pets was. When we got home I let Pixel walk a few feet in the snow. John was worried she’d get sick though so I carried her the rest of the way. He spoils these animals worse than I do.

Ray called me yesterday. I am not being sarcastic when I say that I honestly don’t know how much I can say on here without revealing like personal info or something, but suffice to say the talk went okay. I think we got some things resolved and I emailed him the rest of what I wanted to say today.

I took SB’s email off my website, but I left it up on here simply because it’s a diary and that is part of my life story so taking it down would leave a hole there and I’m not ready to do that. Besides, I write in this thing often enough that it’s not like it will stay on the main page forever. It’ll be something to go back and look at in a year and get mad all over again. Haha, just kidding. Sort of. I really can be like that sometimes actually. As long as the situation is still fresh in my mind and nothing has been done to correct it then I could very well read that email a year from now and get pissed all over again. But that would only be if things were exactly the same, nothing changes, everyone’s still a dick to everyone else. That sort of thing.

Work is dragging. I went to breakfast and everything. Just to kill time.

Valerie colored my hair RED last night. It looks awesome. I did it because I want to look more like my Star Wars character, Mara Jade, when I go to CIII in a few months. I figure she can touch it up before I leave. It’s like an orangey/red. I’ll post pics in the next couple days. I’m still working on that Pixel video too. I have it hosted on a free video website, but I can’t figure out how to html it directly onto my site. I don’t want to just have to post a link to the webhost. That would be boring.

Anyway, that’s all for now kids. Oh, and the title? It’s cuz I’m finally starting to be in a semi-good mood again and Swingers is always my happy movie. Plus, I get to see Sarah and Sadie tonight. More on that later.

Sleep Number Beds

2005-01-25T21:29:00.000-05:00

I don't know. It was the commerical on TV just now. It's 9:30 and I should so be in bed right now. But John is on the phone with his friend Bob. They're both Fetts in the 501st so they're talking costumes. This could go on all night. I've barely seen John today. He worked until six.

On a plus side I got pants at wal-mart today for my custom Mara Jade costume I'm making. Yes, yes, I'm making another one. I already have her classic black jumpsuit outfit, but I'm making this more military looking costume for CelebrationIII. Check it out here. I ordered some military patches last night. I'm so excited.

Tomorrow Valerie (John's mom) is going to color my hair. RED. I'm so excited. nervous too. This is the first time in years I've let anyone but Kimmy do my hair. I'm sure it'll be good though. As long as it's bright red I'll be good.

Pixel is doing so well. I took videos of her and I'll try to figure out how to post them on my website. That's apparently the only way Ray's going to see her. . . sorry, the bitterness comes through occasionally. I still haven't heard from him. He's taking his sweet time. We both have stubborn streaks and when they play against each other - watch out. :)

Well, that's kind of it. I think it's time to go read some Star Trek in bed. Now to get John off the phone. . . He's worse than me. LOL.

Theme - any job

2005-01-23T13:52:00.000-05:00

This weeks's open diary theme is: If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?

That's easy. If there were no difficulties invovled (money, location, training, etc.) I would own a bookstore/cafe. It would be totally rockin' and I would have very specific requirements for what books I would carry. I'd have a HUGE sci-fi section and I'd focus on the books that everyone should read simply to exist on this planet. Books like "Fahrenheit 451", "1984", "Waiting for Godot", there are just so many.

But I would have such a blast with that. I'd find a really great pastry chef to make all sorts of good stuff for the cafe and it would just be a nice homey sort of atmosphere.

My ex husband's "non" girlfriend

2005-01-23T01:39:00.000-05:00

Is the title confusing enough? It certainly is to me. There is this girl that Ray is interested in, Sarah Beth, and I have had no problem with her so far. That is, until today. Today was the day that I received a totally un-called for , irrational email from her. Oh, and did I mention she didn't even send it from her email, but rather from Ray's?

Ray and I have exchanged a few emails over the past couple days. We both said some things that weren't that nice, but I trusted that they would stay between us. I was wrong. He let SB onto his computer and she proceeded to type me a very long email full of swears and garbled sentences. I will post that email shortly.

I know she knows how to get to my blog because she tried posting her next email to me (the "apology" email) in my comments section. That of course was quickly deleted. I may post it some day when I feel like it but no one is going to come on my blog and post something FOR me.

Anyway, I have never had a problem with this girl. The only issue I took was that she has a boyfriend, but she's sleeping with Ray. I dont' want to see Ray get hurt because, despite what people may believe, I am still his friend and still care about him. So she totally flips out calling me a bitch and all this. I called Ray and in turn freaked out on him. I realized later that of course that is exactly what she wants. She finds me a threat because my friendship is so important to him and she just wants me to go away. In her next email - the apology email that I know Ray made her write - she says that she and I should have coffee and talk things out. Yea. . .right. I just can't believe he's wasting his time on this girl.

The only good thing that came of this whole stupid thing was that when John got home he called Ray to let him know that I was okay. I was really upset when I got off the phone with him (Ray) after the email. So they ended up talking for a bit and had a nice conversation. See? They were civil to each other but this girl can't be civil to me when she has nothing at all to do with the situation and no ground to stand on? So maybe in the long run something good will come of John and Ray having to talk today. It was the first time in five months. I was really proud of both of them. There was no swearing or yelling, just talking. They both care about me a lot and I'm grateful for that. It's just too bad that Ray is letting this. . .child ruin ten years of friendship between him and I when he's known her for five months. Whatever. She was after him from the beginning. She had the audacity to show up to my apartment in a leather mini dress just to get Ray's attention. This is when we were married, mind you. Yea, she's a real safe bet. What a slut.

Here is the email she sent. I posted it to my website too so that Ray's family and mine could read it. I'm sure my mother will be outraged at it. I can't wait to see. Finally, some people defending me when I need it. Sorry for all the swearing. I think her ability to talk stops if she's not saying the f word every other sentence. Enjoy a good laugh everyone. Those of you who know me know how insane this whole thing is:

Well... Jessie. We never really had a chance to talk considering the
only time we met you spent the entire time with your boyfriend at the
fuckn scifi convention while i spent some quality time with your
husband... yah thats right your husband or did you happen to forget
that you had one of those while you were screwing over this amazing,
yes i said amazing most amazing guy, this sincere loving guy, a
trustworthy guy, did i mention HE was TRUSTWORTHY.. incase you dont
know what that means because I dont think you do let me define it for
you:
TRUSTWORTHY
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: reliable
Synonyms: accurate, all right, always there, authentic,
authoritative, believable, boy scout, convincing, credible,
dependable, down home, ethical, exact, fly right, honest, honorable,
kosher, level-headed, mature, open, plausible, principled, realistic,
responsible, righteous, rock, saint, secure, sensible, square,
steadfast, straight, there, tried, true, true blue, trustable, trusty,
truthful, unfailing, up front, upright, valid, veracious
LETS PICK OUT A FEW CHOICE WORDS FROM THAT LIST SHALL WE???

Always there sounds about right.... Authentic is good too, Credible
now theres a word for ya, dependable, ETHICAL, honest, honorable... it
keeps going so dont go anywhere... MATURE (I'm not sure if you know
what this means so I might have to go back and define that one for you
too in a bit), realistic, RESPOSIBLE( definately something you can
not comprehend), saint, secure (unlike someone i know), sensible
(typically it is sensible to want to know what your wife is doing
screwing another guy and that it is sensible to want to be rid of that
utterly fucked up and fraud relationship), straight(I am almost
positive he was always straight with you.. were u ever straight with
him.. im not that certain), TRUE, TRUSTABLE, UP FRONT ( sure the sex
was tough but hey at least he was upfront with you that it was an
issue that u needed to face.. too bad you learned to face it with
another guy), and VALID ( he is most definately valid in all of his
feelings about not liking or wanting to be near john whether it be 5
months or 15 years from the divorce i mean come on u screwed the guy..
his fucking friend what the fuck is that about and also he is valid in
denying you the fucking privelage of personal information of his
current and everyday life.. that information is no longer your right..
u lost that when u fucked him over u fucked up and YOU need to get
over it and stop making yourself feel better by making him the bad guy
and admitting that although it sucks it "went down" the way it did u
FUCKED UP he had no part in fucking up YOU DID IT YOU YOU YOU..
ok?) Now that we are clear on somethings lets move on.. ..

You may be asking yourself why the hell I am on Raymond's email
account and why the hell Im getting involved and fucking flipping out
saying" OMG now I know he doesnt want to be friends" well thats where
your wrong you egocentric how can i put it nicely.. eh fuck it I
havent been nice thus far lets keep up the mood shall we... u
egocentric bitch.. GET OVER YOURSELF!!

I am writing you this .. might I say kick ass email not to ruin your
potential friendship because believe it or not i do not wish that upon
you two.. you both had a great friendship.. it got fucked when you
fucked with it now its time to understand that this is no longer a
game its a serious battle a fucking battle which i was dragged into so
graciously by yourself.. boy u have a nack for dargging people into
your serious shit.. anyway... let me finish because i too can write
long ass emails that take days to read...
Let's make this easy and go in order shall we.... Just so you can
understand this I will quote your email to Ray then respond to it..
ok? Ok now that I think your clear although I could be wrong about
that i will continue..

"Just admit to having sex with Sarah Beth and thinking
she's your soul mate or whatever/whoever it is. There's no need to
drag this stuff out simply to upset me. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm
not really letting this get to me nearly as much as you might think. I
no longer believe in soul mates. Our marriage ruined that for me. So I
guess we're even.' OK SO HE DOESNT NEED TO ADMIT ANYTHING TO YOU
JUST LIKE I EXPLAINED TO YOU EARLIER IN THIS GLORIOUS PIECE OF ART...
BUT I CAN IF YOUD LIKE... WELL TOO BAD... BESIDES WHAT IF IT WERE THE
CASE.... WHATS IT TO YOU? YOUVE GOT A MAN NOW YOU SHOULD BE ALL
NESTLED INTO YOUR COZY LITTLE CONDO AND IN YOUR OWN LITTLE WORLD NO
LONGER CONCERNED WITH THE SEXUAL ESCAPADES OF YOUR EX YES EX
HUSBAND....AS FOR TRYING TO UPSET YOU HE WAS NOT HE WAS MERELY
INFORMING YOU THAT HE DIDNT NEED TO INFORM YOU... I ON THE OTHER HAND
AIM TO DISAPPOINT...I AIM TO DISSAPPOINT YOU TO THE FACT THE YOU
FAILED AND SOMEONE ELSE IS GOING TO GET WHAT YOU LEFT BEHIND AND WILL
BE ABLE TO DO SO MUCH MORE WITH IT... I WANT YOU TO BE DISAPPOINTTED
IN YOURSELF... U FUCKED HIM OVER SO BAD.. HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU HAVE
DONE THAT TO HIM? HE SO DOESNT DESERVE THAT AND HE IS SO BETTER OFF
WITHOUT A PRICK LIKE YOU IN HIS LIFE.
"I am not letting him control me. I don't feel the need to put him in
his place because I can see his point. You are a threat to him. Don't
deny it. And until you are in a real relationship (No, Sarah does not
count as long as she has a boyfriend. And don't think the irony of
that one has passed me by.) and can get over John I don't think that
he will ever feel comfortable with me being over there alone." RAY IS
SO NOT A THREAT TO HIM .. YES HE COULD SERIOUSLY FUCK HIM UP BUT MAYBE
JOHN SHOULDVE THOUGHT OF THAT ONE BEFORE BAGGING HIS FRIENDS WIFE...
BUT HE ISNT AFTER THAT.. ITS ABOUT TIME TO GET A GRASP OF
EVERYTHING.. U REALLY HURT HIM AND ALTHOUGH I NEVER GOT TO SEE THAT
TOO MUCH BECAUSE WE HAVE SUCH A GOOD TIME TOGETHER I KNOW ITS THERE I
CAN SEE IT IN HIS EYES AND IN HEAR IT IN HIS VOICE .... BUT DONT LET
THAT GO TO YOUR HEAD.. U DIDNT SUCCEED IN ANYWAY... HE WILL BE OK..
YOU DONT HAVE TO HOPE FOR THAT I PLAN TO MAKE SURE THAT HAPPENS..
HE'LL BE PERFECT.. MORE PERFECT THEN YOU COULD EVER HAVE EXPERIANCED
WITH HIM THATS A WHOLE OTHER REALM THAT SOMEONE ELSE WILL GET TO
VENTURE INTO. AS FOR JOHN NOT BEING COMFY TELL HIM TO GET OVER IT HE
ISNT GETTING HIS FRIEND BACK. AND AS FOR LETTING U COME BY THE
APARTMENT, FUCK I CANT EVEN TELL U WHAT I THINK OF THAT BULL SHIT NOW
THERES A REAL MAN HIDING BEHIND HIS WOMAN FOR YA...
"If you are not comfortable telling me about what you're doing in your
life then this is not a real friendship. I have answered every
question you have asked with honesty. You have played games around
mine.' AGAIN I WILL REITTERATE THAT HE IS NOT PLAYING GAMES U SIMPLY
FORFEITED THAT PRIVELAGE SO LETS MOVE ON!!
"When you said you would urge me to visit with you now because the
future may get busy – what exactly do you mean by that? Sounds like if
I don't conform to your time schedule of bring Pixel over for dinner
SOON you will not want to see me at all. You will be "too busy"." TOO
BUSY FOR HIS PETS??!! NOW THERES A GOOD ONE JESSIE.. THOUGHT U KNEW
THIS MAN.. HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT... THEY ARE LIKE CHILDREN TO HIM HE
LOVES THEM AND THEY LOVE HIM BACK UNCONDITIONALLY UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE..
MAYBE HE SHOULDVE MARRIED BANTU.. I MEAN COME ON WHAT THE FUCK IS
WRONG WITH YOU??!
"You said: " Dont get me wrong Jessie, I love you. I always will. But I
never thought soul mates existed. I thought that some people were
better suited for one another. I was wrong, and one day Ill fill you
in on how I came to this belief. So quite honestly, I believe you were
right in saying that we were simply best friends who made the mistake
of marrying each other"" DAMN STARIGHT SOUL MATES EXIST.. I TAUGHT HIM
THAT, IF HE DIDNT WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT TOO BAD, I DO. SO BOO YA..
BITCH.. HAHAHA... THAT WAS ALL TOO GOOD... VERY HIGHSCHOOL BRAWL.. I
HAVE TO ADMIT IM ENJOYING THIS ALL TOO MUCH..
"Ooh, intrigue. "One day" you'll fill me in? Save yourself the trouble.
I hate when people play mind games and that's what that comment
insinuates. Just admit to having sex with Sarah Beth and thinking
she's your soul mate or whatever/whoever it is. There's no need to
drag this stuff out simply to upset me. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm
not really letting this get to me nearly as much as you might think. I
no longer believe in soul mates. Our marriage ruined that for me. So I
guess we're even." YOU'RE EVEN? COME ON WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THAT?
EVEN THATS LIKE SOME HIGHSCHOOL BULL.. I GUESS THATS WHY I FEEL LIKE
IM IN SOME HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA CRAP U STARTED IT.... ANYWAY... LET ME
BE CLEAR BECAUSE I DONT THINK YOU REALLY GOT THIS QUITE YET... HE
DOESNT NEED TO FUCKING FILL YOU IN IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU IT WILL NEVER
EVER EVER EVER WILL BE ABOUT YOU EVER EVER EVER AGAIN IT WILL BE
ABOUT SOMEONE NEW.. MAYBE ME MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE... WE'LL SEE ITLL BE A
GREAT BIG FUCKING ADVENTURE THAT WE CAN TAKE PICTURES AND TELL STORIES
AND VISIT THEME PARKS AND BE ALL GAY AND HAPPY FROLICKING IN THE
FLOWERS LALALA... AAAAGGGGGHHHJH... U STRESS ME OUT LIKE U HAVE NO
IDEA U NEVER REALLY DID MAKE THE BEST IMPRESSION ON ME.. TOO BAD I
CAUGHT YOUR HUSBANDS EYE WHEN I SHOWED UP IN A HOT LEATHER MINI DRESS
AND U HAD TO GO GET A GUY IN A MASK WHATS HE HIDING BEHIND?... LETS
SEE WHO GOT THE BETTER DEAL?? HMMM I DID! HEEHEE DAMN SKIPPY...
ANYWAYS.. BACK TO THE SEX THING YOU KNOW WHAT U COME OVER SOMETIME AND
TAKE A LOOK AROUND THE HOUSE IF YOU FIND SOMETHING OF MINE HERE THEN
YOU CAN TAKE A GUESS IF NOT THEN YOUR BEST BET IS TO WALK FROM THIS
ONE... OR MAYBE YOUD BE BETTER OFF CHECKING HIS TRUCK.. RAY'S IDEA HAS
RUBBED OFF ON ME.. I DECIDED TO REMAIN VAAAGUUEE... AS FOR YOUR
BELIEVING IN SOULMATES DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT HES CONCERNED? IF
YOU DONT AND JOHNS NOT IT THEN YOU WILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR ARE
MISSING OUT ON.. SO PACK YOUR BAGS AND FUCK HIM OVER TOO BEFORE ITS
TOO LATE.
'If you can't even answer a simple question like, "Have you
had sex with Sarah Beth yet?" then we truly are not friends.
Good luck with finding a new job, moving out of the country, whatever.
Send me a postcard from wherever you land. And be nice to Piper and
Knuckles. They only have a few years left and I'd hate to see you
abandon them simply because they don't fit in with your new lifestyle
of being out partying every night and smoking and drinking and trying
go make a relationship work with a girl who is clearly playing you.
Sorry if that's harsh, but it's true. And it's no worse than some of
the crap you just said to me." THERE IT IS AGAIN THAT SEX QUESTION
JESUS CHRIST GIRL.. EEGAD I SAID JESUS CHRIST... WILL YOU JUST GET
OVER THE SEX QUESTION MAYBE HE HIS GETTING A LITTLE SOMETHING
SOMETHING MAYBE NOT WHAT THE HELL DIFF DOES IT MAKE TO YOU ANYWAY??!!
(BREATH... OK LETS CONTINUE) IF YOU THINK HIS OUT SMOKING DRINKING OR
HAVING ORIGIES THEN YOU DONT KNOW HIM.. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MARRY HIM
AGAIN? I COULDVE PICKED HIM UP 6 YEARS AGO.. DAMN GILRL YOU LIKE TO
FUCK LIFE UP FOR EVERYONE DONT YOU?? AND AS FOR ME PLAYING HIM?? HAHA
UNLIKE YOU THATS SOMETHING I COULD NEVER DO.. AS FOR MY RELATIONAHIPS
OTHER THAN RAY THATS ALSO NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHATS
GOING ON IN MY LIFE.. NONE.. YOU HAVENT EVER ATTEMPTED TO TALK TO ME
OR GET TO KNOW ME AND IF YOU THINK AFTER ALL THIS BULLSHIT YOUVE BEEN
SAYING AND PUTTING RAY THROUGH THAT I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU AND
SHIT YOU CAN JUST BURY YOUR HEAD IN THE FUCKING SAND,... FUCK YOU FOR
EVER THINKING WE COULD BE FRIENDS HA! THERES A GOOD ONE.. EX WIFE AND
NEW GIRL HIT IT OFF.. HAVE SLUMBER PARTIES AND GO TO THE ZOO AND
SHOPPING BULLSHIT BULL FUCKING SHIT.. YOU CAN FORGET THAT. YOU CAN
FORGET IT ALL.. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU LOST YOU ARE SO FUCKED.. RAY
WISHES YOU THE BEST IN YOUR LIFE HE HAS NO CONTROL IN WHAT I AM SAYING
TO YOU DONT GO AND GET ALL IN A TIZZY WITH HIM OVER THIS BE PISSED AT
ME I DONT GIVE A FUCK BUT I REALLY DONT GIVE A SHIT WHETHER U SUCCEED
IN LIFE O HAVE A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP INFACT I HATE TO ADMIT THIS BUT I
DONT THINK ANYONE HAS BEEN ABE TO GET ME TO THIS POINT SO MAYBE I
SHOULD SHARE.. I HOPE YOU FAIL I HOPE YOU ALL THE ILLS IN THE WORLD
AND I HOPE THAT YOU ARE MISERABLE U DESEREVE NOTHING LESS. NOTHING.
"I still don't believe you wanted kids, ever wanted to leave the
apartment, or were truly happy as a JW." TRUST ME OH TRUST ME THAT HE
WANTS KIDS AND ITS A DAMN GOOD THING THEY WONT BE YOURS, THEYLL BE
GREAT KIDS, 2 BOYS ONE GIRL, WHO WILL LOOK LIKE HER MOTHER AND HE WILL
MELT AND NOT BE ABLE TO STAND UP TO THEM AND DO ANYTHING WHILE IN
THEIR GRASP, WHILE THEY LIVE A HAPPY LIFE, THE LIFE U COULD HAVE NEVER
HAD, IN GEORGIA WITH HORSES AND GREAT JOBS... LIVING THE PERFECT LIFE

BEFORE I GO LET ME SHARE WITH YOU A LITTLE SECRET.. HE WAS YOUR RAY
BUT TO ME HE WILL ALWAYS BE LES SOMETHING HE WILL NEVER BE TO YOU.
AND THERES NO GETTING AROUND THAT. LES AND RAY ARE THE SAME BUT THERE
IS ONE LITTLE BIG DIFFERENCE .. LES IS IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES
HIM BACK AND WONT STAB HIM IN THE BACK... HE WILL SUCCEED AND YOU WILL
.. WALLOWING IN THE THOUGHTS OF HAPPINESS THAT HE WILL HAVE AND YOU
WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND.

WELL, THANKS FOR LISTENING.. MAYBE WE SHOULD K.I.T... HA. RIGHT. LATER.

SARA-BETH (S-A-R-A THERE IS NOT FUCKING H IN MY NAME BITCH)

PS HURRY HURRY GO NOW YOU NEED TO GO POST SOME BULLSHIT STORY ABOUT
ME ON YOUR AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL WORLD FOR ALL TOO SEE WHAT A BITCH I AM
AND HOW IMMATURE RAYS NEW "GF" IS AND ALL THAT CRAP... SO GO I WONT
WASTE ANOTHER MOMENT OF YOUR TIME BECAUSE I KNOW IVE BEEN WASTING
MINE.

Walking in my winter underwear

2005-01-19T16:01:00.000-05:00

It is SO COLD outside. My firefox weatherbug says it's 21 degrees out but I don't believe it. It was only 7 this morning. Icky, ick. Winter is always so nice through those first couple snow storms and then. . . Where is summer??

So, we are all moved into the condo. It's nice enough here. A teensy bit ghetto. Some of our neighbors are white-trashy. But it's okay because it's spacious and nice and no one has complained about Gunther and Button screaming to one another across the house.

We haven't signed papers yet. Technically the condo doesn't belong to us right now. We are paying the seller rent to live here. Our mortgage girl totally sucks and I would never recommend her to my worst enemy. They have delayed this closing three times now. But it looks like we will finally close next Wednesday.

I'll have to post pictures of this place. We've painted the living room and the master bedroom. We have the rest of our boxes (mostly star wars stuff. lol.) in the spare room so I can't paint in there yet. We were fortunate enough to have some help when we moved in. John's friend Jon and my friends Sarah and Paul helped out. Thank god. Even with them it took all day to move. So disorganized.

It's been a bit stressful since we moved in. Especially what with not closing and all. John and I have argued a bit. But it's getting a lot better now. It was just a horribly stressful situation. Plus, we moved in on a day when it was sleeting and hailing so everyone got sick. John was really sick. So when we went to pick up my puppy at the airport I actually had to drive his car on the way home. He never lets anyone drive his car so I knew he was wicked sick. It was just bad timing.

Oh my god! The puppy is so cute!! I have pictures on my website. Ivo's Amazingly Wonderful World.
I named her Pixel cuz she's tiny and I love to be geeky about stuff. She's pretty well-behaved. And she's lots of fun. My two dogs that still live with my parents (I didn't abandon them. They're half my mom's.) never played fetch. It just wasn't in their nature. So I really love that Pixel plays with every toy I give her with such enthusiasm that you just have to laugh. Amelie's not too keen on her but I hope soon they'll be able to play. They're almost the same size and it would be nice if they had someone to keep them company while John and I are at work.

I'd love to write some more but Sarah, Paul and Sadie are coming over tonight so I want to fix up the house a bit. Sorry I've been so lax in my writing. And Diane, I have A LOT of catching up to do in your blog but rest assured I will do it. It's up in another tab on my browser now. :)

OD theme - talent

2005-01-19T15:56:00.000-05:00

What is your best talent? Do you share it with other people?

I would have to say my best talent is graphic arts. That sounds kind of vague I guess. See, I can't draw to save my life. Well, I c an't sketch something beautifully quickly like some of my artistic friends can. If I sit and stare at something I can draw it well enough, as long as it's not a picture that has to look like a specific person. But what I'm really good at is stuff like Adobe Photoshop.

I learned how to use all those programs in high school when I was in graphic communications. Photoshop, pagemaker, flash, all that. It was a ton of fun and I'm so glad that I took that as my permanent shop. Too bad I didn't stick with it.

But yea, I love photoshop and I'm pretty dang good at it too. My friends are always asking me to make cool avatars for them and stuff like that. And I've made many really cool collages of pictures and graphics and whatnot.

So yea, that's my talent.

Quickie

2005-01-02T20:22:00.000-05:00

I'm doing a quick update while John runs upstairs to get some stuff from his parents.
This week is going to be CRAZY. We just went shopping today for a whole ton of stuff. His parents gave us a really nice check (for xmas) so we bought a lot of things we still needed. We are officially getting the keys to our condo on Friday and then we are moving in on Saturday. I'm so excited. I've just bought my first home. Something I thought Ray and I would never get around to.
Of course John and I are going to be strapped for cash like crazy while we juggle the condo and taking care of ourselves, plus a dog, a cat and two birds. But it'll be worth it.
We went to Home Depot today and bought paint. Light purple for the bedrooms, dark blue for the kitchen and living room. Woo hoo! It's going to look so amazing when we're done.
I get to pick up my puppy at providence airport on Sunday. I think I'm equally as excited about getting her as I am about moving. How am I ever going to get through four days of work this week when all I want to do is move in????
Well, time to watch some Band of Brothers and then off to bed for me. I have to meet the real estate agent at the condos tomorrow to get the key so I can let the carpet cleaner guys in.

Puppy!

2004-12-22T17:26:00.000-05:00

I have wanted a puppy forever. My parents and I always got dogs when they were older. That was fine because they were rescues from shelters and it was always great to help out a dog that really needed a home. My mom always said that a puppy was too much work, that it took months to train them. I also always wanted a small breed of dog, but Mom said they were all "little yippers". It's not like I was miserable or something, not having a puppy, but I would have liked one for sure.

Ray loved dogs, but he and I couldn't have one in the apartment we were in.

John loves dogs too. In fact, he thought he wouldn't even like my cat Amelie because he's such a dog person. But of course now she won't leave him alone and he loves her. But he's still a dog person.

Now he and I are moving and I can finally get a dog. I'm so excited. But we found out that the condo association is trying to put it in writing that people can't have pets. Whatever pets you do have already will be grandfathered in. So my plans of taking six months or so to find a dog and save up some money were kind of out the window. So I started looking on www.nextdaypets.com for papillons. I wanted an older one because I didn't think I'd have time for a puppy.

Everyone was so expensive, or they were puppies, or they were too far away and the people wouldn't ship. Well, I finally found one when I looked in mixed breeds. She's perfect. She's a papillon/miniature poodle mix. She's all black except for a little bit of white on her chest. She only weighs two pounds right now and she'll probably only be about eight when she's full grown. She'll be about a foot high. Tiny little puppy.

I'm trying to think of a name for her. Papillon means butterfly in french so I was looking for names that mean butterfly. I like Nova, butterfly chaser in Hopi Indian. I also LOVE "Pixel". Like a pixel on a computer, cuz she's so tiny. It's geeky and cute - just like me. LOL. That was awfully self-assured of me. Sorry. Moving on. . . I really like Pixel for a name, but I dont' want to get too attached to it because every time I pick out a name for a pet ahead of time it never fits them. I'm going to wait until I have her for about a week and see what her personality is like before I permanently name her.

So that's my story. Oh, and we're moving, in case you didn't pick up on that. My mom didn't seem too pleased. But it's not like John and I are just planning on living together and never getting married. Everyone'll get over it.

We're going to my Aunt Liz's for Christmas afternoon. They're having dinner and desert there. We're going in for desert. Then John's mom is making veal (sp?) because I've never had it. That's it I think. . .

Theme - Best Gift

2004-12-22T17:12:00.000-05:00

Good evening. It's 5:12 p.m. and I just got home from work. John has HBO so I'm watching "Shattered Glass" on it. It's got Hayden Christensen in it as Steve Glass, a reporter who gets caught making up news stories. I always wanted to see it. Unfortunately I caught it forty-five minutes in. It's pretty intense, stressful.

But I can cover my daily activities in another entry. The theme on open diary this week was - "What's the best gift you ever gave someone else?"

That's an easy one. The last anniversary party we held with Shawn and Natalie and Matt and Danielle I got a really great gift for Ray. It took me weeks to save up for it and I even took it over to Shawn and Natalie's house the night before the party so that it would be a complete surprise.

I bought him a bird - a Goldie's Lorikeet. He had wanted one for a while and he was even considering breeding them back then. Also, we would take turns getting pets. I'd buy one that was for me and then he'd buy one, so on and so forth. I had bought the last two birds for myself so it was really his turn in between and I had skipped over him. So I saved up and bought him this sweet little lorikeet who had been at Feathers Bird Store for months without a home.

Ray was really surprised when I gave it to him. I had him close his eyes and hold out his hands and then I put the bird in them. He thought I had bought him stormtrooper armor. So getting a bird was a pretty big shock. He named him Atreides (after one of the houses in Dune).

So that was probably the best gift I've ever bought for someone because it was so exciting to keep it a secret for like a month and then the person who got it was so surprised and appreciative. That was the best.

Woo Hoo!

2004-12-08T07:39:00.000-05:00

My teeth are finally (mostly) fixed! I went in on Monday. John drove me because I was having sedation pills so I wouldn’t be able to drive there or home. I took one pill at six a.m. before we left. We got there around seven and they gave me two more. John tells me they gave me two more after that, but after they gave me those three and then put me in the nice dark room with the blanket I really don’t remember much.
They say you experience short term memory loss with the pills. Yea, that about covers it. I have glimpses of what happened. I remember trying to swallow with a wedge and tools in my mouth. And when it was all over and they brought John in they asked me how I was feeling and I said that I wanted Chinese food. Then the dentist wheeled me out to the car. I thought that was nice, that he went downstairs himself with John and i.

John took me home and I took a nice four hour nap. He had to keep waking me up to drink juice though cuz the dentist said I needed fluids every hour or so. John brought me soup and read to me (neither of which I remember well, but I know he did it). We capped off our day by watching Star Trek, season five.
Then I went to work yesterday. Everyone was surprised I came in. truth be told I could have used the day off. I was still a bit woozy. But I need the money more.

So they were able to do one root canal, two fillings, one temporary filling on the other root canal tooth that they couldn’t’ fix, and put a temporary cap on my other tooth. So I get the permanent cap on December 30th and on January 20th I’m going to the oral surgeon to have my tooth ripped out. I’m going to have to have a bridge or a fake tooth though because it’s on the bottom and instead of being the very back tooth (which they could just take out and leave alone) it’s the second to last. But hey, at least I’ll be knocked out for the extraction.
I can’t believe John and I are into the fifth season of Star Trek already after less than four months. He’s turning into more of a trekkie than me. it’s kind of scary. But it’s great too. It’s so much fun. We ended the fourth season a few days ago and of course the last episode is a cliff hanger (that involves Tasha Yar coming back as her own daughter). John just couldn’t wait to see the beginning of the fifth season. We had to wait a couple days though and it was so funny. I couldn’t’ wait to share all the excitement of the conclusion with him and all that. : )

On another good note – I went over to Ray’s on Saturday. it went really well. We had pizza and watched a Lewis Black special. He filled me in on his love life and what’s going on with work and all that. I told him a bit about John and I and what our plans for the future are. It was great to see my little Piper and Knuckles. I felt so bad though because I brought Gunther and Amelie and although Gunther loved seeing Ray and showing off all the things he can say now, Amelie was pissed the whole afternoon. She hid under the bed and when Ray held her she scratched him. He brushed it off, but I know it really bothered him. She was just nervous cuz she didn’t know what was going on. But other than that – good visit.

On a side note – I got this comment in my inbox the other night from someone named LauraSuzanne: “I'm not trying to be mean or judgmental, but you need to realize that you can't serve two Gods. You shouldn't call yourself a JW unless you are doing things Jah's way or making a serious effort. I just don't want to see you get sucked into the world anymore.”

I tried to find it on my blog so that I could see if there was some way of replying, but I guess there isn’t. I wish I knew what entry in particular this girl has read because I honestly don’t see where that comment would come from if you’ve read my whole blog thus far. If she had she would know that I’m disfellowshipped and therefore don’t officially call myself a JW. I’ve made this clear before, but it bears repeating – I have every intention of going back to my congregation. But for right now I can’t be reinstated because I’m living with someone. Once we’re married I’ll be able to fix everything. For now, all I can do is go to meetings and sit there quietly. Which is fine. But it’s just weird to see someone saying I’m serving two gods. I’m just trying to make my life work in the wake of getting df’d. So, I wasn’t upset or mad by the comment, just confused I guess.

Besides that there’s nothing else going on of substance. Just thought an update was in order seeing as how my teeth have been ruining my life for the past few months.

Light Up My Room

2004-12-01T09:25:00.000-05:00

If you question what I would do
To get over and be with you
Lift you up over everything
To light up my room, my room
There's a shopping cart in the ravine
The foam on the creek is like pop and ice cream
A field full of tires that is always on fire to light my way home
~BNL

I’m doing really well right now for the first time in a few weeks at least. It seems funny to say that because there’s actually quite a bit going on in my life that should be making it not alright, but despite it all I’m pretty good.

I wrote in my last entry that I missed Piper and Knuckles. And Bantu, Felicity and Atreides too of course. Ray ended up calling me on Monday. He wants me to bring Amelie and Gunther over on Saturday for a visit. Of course John isn’t completely comfortable with this idea. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t be human if I did. But this is something that I need to be able to do if I’m ever to move on with my new life.

I have loyalties to John. If Ray were still saying that he wanted to kill him or something I wouldn’t be going over there. But Ray actually seems like he’s starting to deal with everything now. he said he has some relationship stuff he wants to share with me too and even though he doesn’t exactly love that John and I are dating he knows there’s nothing he can do about it and that given time he’ll be fine with it. I just have to give it time. I’m not a patient person so it’s difficult.

But the point is that after Saturday everything can get back to normal. Sure I won’t be talking to Ray every day or emailing him all the time or anything. It will never be like it used to be when we were just friends. But it’ll be “okay” again and that’s all I ever wanted or expected. Maybe when enough time has passed John and I could even go out to dinner with Ray and whoever he’s dating. Or married to or whatever. That would be wonderful. But for now I’m taking it one step at a time.

Who am I kidding? I’m just excited that I get to have pizza from Charlton Pizza (the best pizza in the WORLD) again. : ) Kidding.

I STILL can’t write about the biggest things going on in my life right now because I still don’t want them to fall through and then me have to explain why on here as well as to anyone we might have told in person. But I’m really excited about the way things are going and I know everything is going to be great soon.

I did something that felt wonderful yesterday. I paid off my entire credit card. I had to borrow money from my parents (ick) to do it, but I did it. And now I can just pay them back, and that’s better than a creditor any day. I’m hoping that they’ll lower my interest rate now that I’ve paid it off. It was up to 25%!!! That’s crazy.

I suppose that’s all I really have for now. Dentist appointment on Monday. I’m trying not to think about it. Oh, and if there’s anyone out there who hasn’t rented or seen Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban yet. . . don’t bother. It was so-so. I wasn’t sad when it ended. And when on earth are Harry and Hermione going to hook up? They’re in their teens aren’t they? I was kind of bored with it. But Gary Oldman was great for what you saw of him. And I loved the hippogriff. John showed me a description of one in his dungeons and dragons book. I thought that J.K. Rowling came up with it herself. Guess not.

More as the news progresses. . . .

There are luxuries we can't afford
But in our house we never get bored
We can dance to the radio station
That plays in our teeth
~BNL

What a Day

2004-11-29T09:54:00.000-05:00

Not really, but I just have that song stuck in my head. You know – “What a day, what a day. . . wonder what’ll happen today. . .” I forget who it’s by, but I have it on an FNX sampler CD. Funny story about how I got that – Ray and I were in Providence, RI visiting his brother Matt. When Ray and I were dating my mom was nutty about us being chaperoned all the time so Matt would drive from RI to MA to pick us up and then drive us all the way back out to RI to visit and then all the way back to MA to bring us home. Yea. . .Don’t ask. Anyhoo, the three of us were in Matt’s truck at a stop light and there was this van behind us. They started honking at us so Ray and I turned around and just gave the this really rude look. Then Ray was like, “Hey, that’s an FNX van!” They were honking cuz Matt had their sticker on the back of his window. So Ray jumped out cuz they were motioning out the window to him. He came back to the truck with a sticker for each of us. When the light turned green we were on a two lane road. The van pulled up next to us and while we were driving handed us three sampler CDs. It was pretty dang cool and a story that lasted for about a year. I still have my CD somewhere. Not sure where though.

That’s my little story of the day. I’m doing pretty well all things considered. My teeth are still bothering me. December 6th is my appointment. I’m nervous because I’ve been under general anesthesia before, but I’ve never just been sedated by a pill. I hope it works. I’m really really bad at dentist’s. but at least when it’s all over I won’t have to go back for a long long time. I’m never getting another cavity again. I’m going to brush my teeth every chance I get. Not that I didn’t before. . . But they said with the prescription toothpaste they gave me and the new electric toothbrush I bought that I shouldn’t’ get any more cavities. Woo hoo!

I am totally missing my smelly little ferret friends lately. Piper and Knuckles. Knuckles is Ray’s, but I love him too. I would have never split them up to just take Piper with me or something. Besides, we could never have kept a ferret in John’s basement. I just wish I could visit them. Like maybe Ray could leave the key somewhere so that I could go over by myself. But I know he wont’ do that. He doesn’t “trust” me in “his” apartment anymore. I know it’s his, but still. What am I going to do? Burn the place down? Steal something? Please. They’re my pets too and I miss them. I try not to talk to John about it too much cuz I don’t want him getting upset and thinking I miss Ray. It’s not like that though. I just want to see Piper and Knuckles and watch them run around and act like goofballs and terrify Felicity (Ray’s cat). And I want to hear Bantu talk too. Ray said he was talking a bit last time I spoke with him. I haven’t talked to Ray in a while though. I’m waiting for him to get over everything and call me. I realize that may take a long time, but I hope it happens eventually. I miss his friendship. At least a bit.

Money, money, money

2004-11-23T09:43:00.000-05:00

It makes the world go ‘round. I really am beginning to despise it though. When Ray and I were married we thought at one point we could afford a house. Our credit wasn’t great but we talked to a loan officer who I knew because her mom worked with my mom and she talked about getting us no doc loans and all this. But it all fell through. When my Grammy died she left me $5000. Ray and I agreed to use some of the money (maybe $1000) for things that we both needed at the time for work and such and then put the rest in the bank. Do you know where that money is now? gone. All gone. We put it in our checking because we could never pay our bills. Honestly, I’ve no idea how he’s surviving in that apartment by himself. I can barely survive with just my bills on my own, nevermind having to pay rent.

I need a better job. This one only pays $12/hr. You can’t live on that. Plus, I’m worried about this job anyway because it’s a temp job. What happens when we’re done with all the conversions we’re doing? They say they try to place you right away but there’s no guarantee. And who even knows if I’d like where they place me? it could be some horrible god-awful job. Maybe I could find something for $14/hr in customer service or some such thing.

In the meantime. . .Thanksgiving is almost here. I’ve got the rest of today and then tomorrow to work. Then I’m off Thursday and Friday. Suh-weet! Last night I took John clothes shopping. I like the way he dresses, but I thought he might want to try something different for once. Like colors. . .

He bought grey jeans (at least they weren’t black) and a black sweater. I bought him a maroon sweater and a blue one too. I hope he wears one of them Thursday. I was trying to get him to try on khakis, but they didn’t’ have any in his size. He was relieved. He thinks I’m trying to make him dress like Ray. I’m totally not. I just think that he’d look even better than he usually does if he mixed it up just a bit.

I was hoping to find a new shirt or skirt for dinner, but no luck there. John thinks I have too many clothes. I don’t think he really gets it though. I have bags full of clothes in his room because there’s no where to put them. His room isn’t meant for two people. Plus, most of the clothes I have are at least a few years old. I wear things until they’re completely dead. I don’t like to waste stuff and I’m not the type of girl to say that I need a new wardrobe just cuz it’s a new year. I wear stuff out. So I was kind of offended he said that. But what can you do. It’s not a big deal. There are worse things he could think about me I’m sure.

We found this really cool toy store called The Toy Vault. They had TONS of Star Wars toys. I bought a few of course. Hey, it’s the one thing I collect. I figure I’m allowed to go nuts every once in a while.

I just want to go home right now. John and I have an appointment after work that I’m really excited about, but I can’t leave here until at least 2:30. blah.

Theme - thankful

2004-11-22T10:45:00.000-05:00

This weeks' theme on Open Diary is "What do you have to be thankful for?" It's obviously a Thanksgiving (and therefore, holiday) reference, but I'll answer it anyway. You don't have to have a holiday to show thanks for things that you have, though. Giving thanks to God every day for what we are blessed with is the least you can do.

I love lists so that's how I'll do this one.

I am thankful for:
1. John
2. Amelie, Gunther and Gimli
3. My parents (because they are helping me out a lot with bills and stuff even though they don't like how I'm living my life right now.)
4. Sarah (and Paul and Sadie too. Paul is becoming a good friend again and Sarah is my best friend in the entire world.)
5. John's family (they've been extremely kind these last few months)
6. My religion and the freedom to worship in that religion
7. My job (even though I hate working it beats the alternative. i.e. living in a box on the street)
8. all the trivial little material things that make my everyday life a little bit better - cell phone, money, tv, movies, all that stuff.

Reply to Diane's note

2004-11-17T09:12:00.000-05:00

I was gonna put this in my post, but I forgot. You asked about putting my tats where they won't stumble anyone. I'm sticking to my back for the most part. I might get one or two on my stomach. There's only about three more I want. So it shouldn't be hard to hide them.

I was disappointed in my conversation with Ray as well. I understand him being upset of course. I just want him to be okay and everything to work out immediately. I'm impatient. Always have been.

I read your blog. Crazy stuff going on there. At least that anonymous poster has given you plenty to write about lately. :)

No-Go Tattoo

2004-11-17T08:59:00.000-05:00

I didn't get my tat. :( We got up there in time and all, but I was in so much pain by then that I just let John get his and said to forget about mine. That, plus Al (tattoo artist) said that if they were going to put me on antibiotics for my tooth the meds would force the ink right out of me. I'd have to practically get it done again. So I made an appointment for November 30th instead. I might not even be able to keep that one though because John and I are really trying to save money right now. So I maybe cancelling.

I had to be on antibiotics all last week. I missed the next four days of work. My face was all swollen and I couldn't even open my mouth enough to chew anything until yesterday. I lost ten pounds just sucking down juice and popsicles. They also prescribed tylenol with codeine for the pain. For the first two days it didn't even help. That's how much pain I was in. But I'm finally starting to get better now. I'm back to work. Rah rah.

This weekend John and I are doing a 501st event. It's in Framingham, right next door to my work. Anthony Daniels (C3PO) and Kenny Baker (R2D2) will be there as guests. Our garrison is having dinner with them Saturday night. The best part about this weekend though is that John decided to wear his imperial officer uniform and he suggested me wearing his stormtrooper armor. This is a really big deal for him. He's very protective of his expensive Star Wars stuff. But I tried on all the armor the other night and it fits so I get to wear it!!! That stuff is uncomfortable though. I have no idea why the empire thought they could beat the rebels in horribly uncomfortable armor like that. I'm just so excited though. I get to tk it on Saturday! Woo hoo!

So I hadn't spoken to Ray since we had that fight on the 4th. But last night I realized that I coudlnt' find my 12 inch Princess Leia action figure. It was kind of expensive and it's really special to me so I texted him about it. Then this morning I texted him again to ask if he had cancelled my car insurance yet. He didn't text back so I sucked it up and called. He hasn't seen Leia and he's going to call about the insurance this week. It sucked to have to be the one to break the silence first. And it hasnt' even been two weeks. Kind of frustrating. I'm very stubborn and I really wanted him to have to call me first. But he's suppposed to call when he fixes the insurance so I guess we'll be even then and then we can go back to being stubborn and not talking to one another. Ah, just as it should be in a divorce. Seriously though, I wish that he could just be fine with everything and we could all be friends. Silly, I know. But that's what I wish.

What else, what else. . . . My friend Sarah got a new kitten. We get to go see her tonight. I love kittens! John said he finished buying my christmas presents. I'm still not celebrating it so I feel kind of bad, but I'm not gonna turn down gifts. :) I'm reading the new Star Trek book series "A Time to" . It's an nine or ten book series that has titles from Ecclesiastes. "A time to be born", "a time to die", etc. I'm on the second book. They're pretty good so far.

John just called. Gotta go talk to my sweetie. :)

Ouch

2004-11-08T05:43:00.000-05:00

My teeth are absolutely killing me. Or to be more specific, my tooth. It's this stupid lower molar. There's so much pressure on it. I can't swallow pills so I usually just take liquid motrin. But yesterday the motrin wasn't even touching the pain so John crushed up an aleve for me this morning. It's working a bit. I can open my jaw again without excruiciating pain. But it still hurts. And I took it about an hour ago so I don't think it's gonna get much better than this.

My only saving grace is that I got into work way early this morning. I got in at 5:15 and I get to leave at 1:15. John and I have yet another tat appointment in NH this afternoon. We just went two weeks ago, but we're going back. His tattoo artist is going to New Orleans for the winter so this is kind of our last chance to see him. We might go once more before December. Not sure yet. Anyway, since I got my Star Wars tattoo and my purple triangle (which I'll post pics of eventually) I'm getting my Star Trek one today. It's going on my left shoulder blade. Eventually I'm going to get six of the emblems (borg, romulan, bajoran, etc.) but today I'm just hoping Al can get the federation communicator and the Klingon symbol on. We only have a few hours. He's squeezing us in between two appointments. We have to fly up to NH for 3:30. Good luck with that. Though with the way John drives when he's determined, we just might make it.

I haven't spoken to Ray since last week. We had like a forty minute argument on the phone. I started it for the most part. But I had good intentions. I told thim that I know it's only been three months but that for us to be friends (as we both agreed we wanted) he'd have to leave the possibility open of not hating John one day. Because John is my life now and for Ray and I to be friends and only him be allowed to talk about his life - well, that's not much of a friendship. He took it completely the wrong way, saying that I wanted him to be over it right now. I don't. I just want to be realy honest true friends with him. I care about him dearly and I want all this to be okay some day. Anyway we fought about that, and about how he never paid my bills and he said that everyone thinks he shoudlnt' be so nice to me and all this. So we decided just to not talk until he calls me when he's over it. That could be years. I wish we hadn't left it on such an awful note. I feel terrible.

Just adds to the fun of my tooth pain I suppose.

Well, time to get some work done. It's still an eight hour day, but I want to make sure to do a lot so they don't mind me leaving "early". Later!

It's Friday (again)

2004-10-29T07:20:00.000-04:00

Well, it's Friday. I only came back to work yesterday from vacation. Pretty sweet. Of course, my paycheck next week won't be sweet at all. I don't really have enough money to pay my bills right now. I mean, I do, but just not on time. I'm thinking of asking my parents for a rather large sum so that I can completely pay off my credit card. I really need to because I just got this care credit card that's for dental work and stuff like that. I have $4000 worth of dental work I need done so I have to put it on this care credit thing. But I can't even bring myself to make the appointment until I have my real card paid off. I can't afford to pay two credit card bills. Especially one that's going to be for $4000. Eesh.

The good news - vacation was wonderful. I really needed a few days off from work. It made all the difference in the world. Of course I hate being back, but at least I had a break from it.

This is semi-good news: my court date for the divorce is on Monday morning at 9:00. Ray already called me to tell me that he got his summons as well. So that will be over and done with after Monday morning. Sort of. They still have to process the paperwork of whatever decision the judge makes. I'm sure we'll be granted the divorce though. We don't have any kids or assets to argue over. It's fairly simple. I don't even know why we have to go to court. Cant' they just process the paperwork we already filled out and leave it at that? Ah well. A few months from now I'll be a 22 year old divorcee. Fun. (sarcasm). But it's what needs to be done for me to move on with my life so I'm okay with that.

Wednesday night John and I went over our friends Sarah and Paul's place. We brought 90's trivial pursuit and played boys against girls. That was so much fun!! We were three pie pieces ahead of them, but they managed to catch up and then we were neck and neck for quite a while. The game lasted about three hours and finally the guys beat us by one question! I want a rematch. :)

Well, work calls. My teeth are absolutely killing me right now. But at least I get to leave at 2:30. I got in early so I could go home early. It's nice making my own hours. Have a great day everyone!

Just Waiting

2004-10-17T16:23:00.000-04:00

It's 4:27 p.m. and I'm waiting for John to get home. He had to work 9:30 to 6:00 today. Sucks. He was originally scheduled for 7:30 to 4:00 but the boss switched the schedule around. Just so he could go home and watch the football game. His boss is a total jerk. I know that there aren't many people who love their jobs. But then there are those of us who feel just totally unfulfilled at it. I am one of those people. I wish I had stuck with graphics, instead I'm stuck as a temp.

I think that John is one of those people as well. He's just not happy with his job. He's always getting these crappy shifts and the people he works with are jerks. It's gotta get better than that. One of the new cutters at John's work (he's a butcher) said that they're hiring where he used to work at Pricechopper and that he could basically guaruntee John a job. I really think he should go for it. It would mean more money and less hassle - what's to think about? But I don't want to push him into it.

Even though we're really close and we want to get married and all it's still a new relationship. We've only been together a couple months. I don't want him to think I'm trying to run his life. If we want to have kids and get married and stuff though one of us is going to have to start making more money. Life can be so tough money-wise. I really dislike money. :)

Open Diary Theme - best friend

2004-10-17T09:53:00.000-04:00

I used to belong to Open Diary and every week they have a theme. That (and the better choice of templates) are all I'm really going to miss from that site. I can't do anything about the templates, but I can go there every week and do the theme if I feel like it. So here's this week's theme:
If you could change one thing about your best friend, what would it be?

The only thing I would change about Sarah is that I wish we lived closer to one another. We make plenty of time for one another and rarely get on each other's nerves. We don't hang out as much as we did when we were little, granted. But we still haven't annoyed each other yet.

I love that even though she has a boyfriend and a two year old we've still been able to see each other every Wednesday for the past few weeks. And as long as her work schedule stays the same we have plans to continue on that.

Other than that I could say I wish she'd go to meetings with me or something, but I haven't been going to many either lately so I guess I can't complain. Maybe we'll both go back together one day. Until then I'm just happy (extremely happy) to be spending time with her again. And with her daughter Sadie. I can't wait to convince the poor child to call me Aunt Jessie. :)

Stolen from Diane

2004-10-17T09:12:00.000-04:00

Thirteen random things you like.
1. John
2. my cell phone
3. my kitty Amelie
4. birds - Gunther and Gimli
5. Star Trek dvds
6. costuming w/the 501st
7. books, any books
8. the smell of Sadie's hair
9. my laptop
10. the crunch of leaves
11. the sims
12. my new kingdom hall
13. singing in the car

Twelve movies you like.
1. Bowling for Columbine (good one)
2. Sweet Home Alabama
3. Star Wars (all of 'em)
4. Star Trek: First Contact
5. 13 Going On 30
6. 12 Angry Men (the original)
7. the labyrinth
8. Fools Rush In
9. Center Stage
10. Dune
11. Swingers
12. Liar, Liar

Eleven good bands/artists.
1. NSYNC
2. Jennifer Lopez
3. Domestic Problems
4. Rent
5. Loreena McKennitt
6. Chantel Kreviazuk
7. Jessica Simpson
8. Greg Trooper
9. Dixie Chics
10. Mary Chapin Carpenter
11. No Doubt

Ten things about you, physically.
1. I'm thin
2. 5'8"
3. white
4. brownish/reddish hair
5. blue/grey eyes
6. lots of freckles
7. bangs
8. chewed off fingernails
9. usually dressed either completely weird and punk or totally professionally
10. celtic/star wars tattoo on my lower back

Nine good friends.
1. John
2. Sari
3. Jess F.
4. Dez
5. Paul
6. Bob
7. Moir
8. Kimmy
9. Really can't think of another one I know in reality, but Diane and Chante have been pretty cool online.

Eight favorite foods/drinks.
1. Orange juice
2. papaya juice
3. pizza
4. chinese food
5. chocolate
6. lasagna
7. wallaby darned
8. chicken alfredo

Seven things you wear daily.
1. John's dog tags
2. my claddagh ring
3. underwear
4. a bra
5. my med alert bracelet
6. regular clothes, duh
7. usually either nail polish or earrings

Six things that annoy you.
1. money
2. having to work
3. arguments
4. birds screaming
5. badly behaved children
6. ignorance

Five things you touch everyday.
1. car keys
2. now, a keyboard
3. remote
4. the shower
5. my toothbrush

Four shows you watch.
1. ER
2. Star Trek
3. Friends
4. will and Grace

Three boys you've kissed.
1. Jesse
2. Ray
3. John

Two of your favorite books.
1. High Fidelity - Nick Hornby
2. While I was gone - Sue Miller

One person you want to see right now.
1. Sarah

I'm so exctied (and I just can't hide it.)

2004-10-16T11:54:00.000-04:00

wow, the 24th of september was my last update. Oops. So I saw that my friend Diane switched over here from OD and I thought, "Hey, I already signed up for that. Maybe I should use it." So that's what I'm doing.
Now, for what I'm so excited about:
I am typing this in bed. I know, not that exciting to most of you. But for me it means that my laptop is (finally) online. My friend Paul came over last night and set it up. The parentals have wireless upstairs and I didn't want to have to pay for it so I quietly went out and bought a network card and now I'm online thanks to their connection. I dont' feel bad cuz it doens't cost them anything.
But finally, I get to go online at home instead of just at work. Woo hoo!
One more week of work and then I'm going on vacation for a few days. I can't wait. And then that Tuesday I'm getting my second tattoo. It's going to be a purple triangle with barbed wire across it. I think it's a really unique way to express my faith. I'm not looking forward to that kind of pain again though.
I've been online for about two hours now and haven't even taken a shower so I'm going to go do that. More updates soon!

tehsoapbox.net :: Index

2004-09-24T13:54:00.000-04:00

tehsoapbox.net :: Index

You've got to go here. It rocks!

Toothache

2004-09-24T13:49:00.000-04:00

Oh my god. I have such a horrible toothache. I need a root canal done and it's just killing me. Actually, I need two root canals done. But that's besides the point. Who has 4,000 dollars to fix their teeth? I mean, really, if I had $4000 just lying around I'd be putting a downpayment on a house. That's sick.

I'm at work. I should be working on my website or my open diary if anything, but instead I'm trying this out. I don't know why I'm bothering really. It's the same as opendiary.com. Now I just have more to keep up with.

I've joined the Something Awful forums. They aren't that great so far. Which is disappointing, since I paid $9 to get registered there. I like the Soapbox a lot better. It's just been transferred from Wil Wheaton's site over to it's own. I'll blog it later.

Well, off to do some work.

Welcome

2004-09-23T14:27:00.000-04:00

Well, I thought I should post to this at least once before I start changing things around and really messing it up. I have a website on angelfire and it comes with a free blog, but I kept hearing about blogger so here I am. I'll give it a shot. I spend all my time online anyway. I may as well add one more site to my list to visit and update.

Check out my website at http://www.angelfire.com/ma2/newworld for more info on me. It's under some slight construction now but it'll be up and running again soon.

Now I'm going to go check out all the fun features. Ooh boy!

Global Edition of the Bose Intranet

2004-09-23T11:58:00.000-04:00

Global Edition of the Bose Intranet

My work